10 keys to make couples work
Ideas and tips to strengthen healthy relationships and avoid problems.
Couple relationships are made up of habits, of shared situations that reinforce the bond of love that unites two people.
This means that in some cases, some couples can get to function "alone" simply because they manage to reach a state in which these habits are already part of the day to day spontaneously. But in other cases, problems and conflicts arise that can be solved by modifying these shared routines.
If you are interested in this last topic, read on, because we will give a review of the keys to make couples work..
The main keys for couples to work
The first thing to do is to assume that you are not in total control of what happens in your relationship. This is important, because it is one thing to do your best to make the bond as strong as possible, not to adopt a controlling attitude over the other person.
So, all the key ideas that we will see below must always be applied based on consensus and constant communication, because otherwise, the relationship will not be as strong as possible.Otherwise, the situation will not only not improve but will worsen. Let's take a look at the tips to make relationships work.
1. Make your expectations clear
If it is not clear what each of you wants and expects from the relationship, it is inevitable that many conflicts will arise, some of them serious. It is therefore essential to communicate this honestly and directly, without leaving too much room for ambiguity.
2. Bet on assertiveness
For the relationship to work, it must be symmetrical: neither person has more power over the other. To achieve this, it is essential to adopt an assertive communication style.
And what exactly does assertive communication consist of? Basically, it consists of expressing everything that needs to be expressed, without giving in to the fear of what others might think or of making someone angry or sad.And doing so with respect for the other, even if what needs to be said may be painful.
This balance makes marriages and dating relationships stronger, because neither of the people involved has to carry the burden of holding back ideas, beliefs and feelings for what they believe to be the common good.
3. Establish commitments
Any love relationship, because it demands sacrifices with long-term goals, requires a series of commitments. Therefore, they must be established and clarified, so that both of you always keep them in mind in the same way. This avoids many marital and relationship crises that would have been easily avoidable..
4. Emphasize the positive
It is not healthy to ignore the positive aspects of the relationship and only talk about the negative ones. In order to have a global vision of what is happening and at the same time express love for the other, it is worthwhile to show that satisfaction when the other person does something that we like.
5. Spend quality time together
Living together in the same house does not make a relationship stronger. In fact, if there is no communication and no signs of affection, it can generate animosity and indifference for the person we fall in love with.
Therefore, it is important to make efforts to enjoy time together in which you can find meaningful ways to talk, express affection, have contact, and have intimacy.
6. Apply Emotional Intelligence to arguments.
It is normal to argue from time to time. What you can do in these cases is not to lose sight of the nature of the love relationship you have, and not to fall into a battle of egos to see who is right. Accept that we may feel frustrated and angry momentarily, but that no one wins by attacking the other. no one wins by attacking the other.
So when you feel you are too angry to think constructively about a conflict, stop arguing and clear your heads. When everything is due to a failure of communication, first of all clarify what happened, give the other person a chance to explain. And when the cause of the discussion is not an objective fact but an assumption, treat it as such.
7. Support each other by taking into account your strengths and weaknesses.
Finding a good fit in a couple's relationship means, among other things, knowing how we can help each other. Therefore, it is a good idea to to identify each other's vulnerabilities, in order to offer support when they become apparent..
8. Rely on each other for important plans
Many people wait too long before communicating important decisions to their partner. This not only creates resentment; it also causes problems due to lack of coordination.
9. Respect each other's space
Not everything has to be shared. It is very common to need time to be alone, without the company of the other, to think, create or assimilate emotions. Therefore, these moments of introspection must be respected.
10. Accept help
The fact that conflicts and crises may arise in a couple's relationship does not mean that there is a rule that you must face these problems without help. The therapy of couple carried out by psychologists is an option to take into account.In these sessions you can learn the keys to redirect the situation avoiding to feed the drama and adopting a constructive and empathic point of view.
(Updated at Mar 28 / 2023)