10 keys to take love with philosophy

Let's reflect on love: between the conventional and the postmodern.

It is in novels, television, movies and even in the public life of celebrities. Love seems to be one of the most and best installed elements in mass media culture, and day by day we receive a trickle of information about how a conventional love life is, or should be, recognizable by all, normalized.

Of course, in some cases it can be comforting to have a "mold" to lead a relationship through with few complications and without moments of ambiguity, but it is also true that clinging unthinkingly to certain affective roles can have negative consequencesIt is also true that clinging to certain affective roles in an unreflective way can have negative consequences, detract from the spontaneity of love life and even lead to behavioral dynamics that do not fit with the personality and life habits of the lovers in question.

That is why it is healthy to question certain conventions about love, its myths and everything that orbits around stereotypes about life as a couple. about life as a couple. At the end of the day, it is possible that your understanding of love life goes far beyond what is typical. The first step to rethink certain things and take love with philosophy? Reflecting on your own concept of love may be a good way to do so, and you can use these ten keys to do so.

10 reflections on conventional love

1. Love is one thing, but habit is another.

Complying with certain routines every day while living together with someone is not something positive in itself, nor is it something that will make the relationship progress. In fact, it is not uncommon that the fulfillment of certain rituals is performed, rather than as a way of showing love or affection, as a way of compensating for emotional crises. a way to compensate for emotional crises that have not yet fully manifested themselves. or as if they were part of an obligation.

Of course, for a couple's relationship to prosper, a basis of relative stability is necessary, but this is not a guarantee of anything, but rather a necessary but not sufficient condition.

2. There is nothing wrong with routine

The counterpart to the previous point is to keep in mind that there is no universal rule according to which love life must be constantly crossed by transgression and changes of environment. and changes of environment. In principle, a quiet life without major contrasts is a perfectly valid breeding ground for a consistent relationship. It all depends on the needs of each person.

3. Beware of idealization

Idealization is an illusionary ingredient in the first stages of falling in love, but it often leads to deception. often leads to deception.. It is important to know whether you feel love for the person or for the avatar he or she represents. To do this, there is nothing better than meeting this person in a variety of contexts, not always in the same way and in the same place. Information is power.

4. Stereotypes about ideal partners should be discarded

Stereotypes about the ideal couple serve to make certain roles immediately recognizable in series, advertisements and soap operas, but in love life they serve more as a way to make certain roles immediately recognizable. in love life they are of little use and, what's more, they tend to cause problems.. 

Stereotypes exist precisely to guide us in matters in which we invest little time and whose results are not of great importance, such as our way of considering someone who appears for the first time in a movie, but love life can become something much more serious than that and, therefore, requires our brain to give up the autopilot to take directly the controls of the situation.

5. Sacrifices are not proof of love

Whenever you act, you make a decision whose results have potential advantages and possible disadvantages. Naturally, this is also true in love, and it is quite possible that the it is quite possible that the maintenance of a loving relationship requires efforts in various areas of life.. 

However, it is necessary to know how to discriminate between these small sacrifices whose root lies in the decisions that we as individuals must make that we invest in staying close to the other person (and that makes sense as such), and others that are artificial, created as an unjustifiable imposition on the part of our partner or as a result of our imagination, our prejudices about love as something necessarily painful, and a good helping of magical thinking.

6. The notion of symmetry must be kept in mind.

Love cannot and should not be alienating, or it can become an instrument of manipulation. This second scenario may seem somewhat extreme, but it is not so extreme if we remember that love has a profoundly irrational componentand that many of the decisions and actions we take based on it do not seem to be aimed at meeting our own easily expressed needs, nor do they respond to a good that can be objectively described.

Manipulation has its raison d'être when the manipulated person does not know that he or she is being manipulated, and it can also take the most subtle forms, or even be taken as something natural by everyone (even friends and acquaintances).

7. Collective goals? Yes, but with communication in between

If sometimes it is complicated to know what one wants oneself, to know what responds to the interests of the collective formed by the people who love each other is a titanic task. That is why it is worth thinking about whether these group goals are really group goals or whether they have been brought about by a set of colossal misunderstandings, paradoxical communication, or "I thought you thought that...".or paradoxical communication or "I thought you thought that...".

If something in particular does not excite you, you'd better think of the best way to say it. Delicately, but without leaving any room for doubt.

8. Where is the limit of sincerity?

Sincerity is an essential component of an intimate relationship, but so is privacy.. Determining to what extent we want to expose ourselves to someone is fundamental, and so is making this person see where the limit is to be expected. The important thing is not so much the proportion of the shared part over the private part as the fact that the other person is aware of your existence.

9. The time boundary

There is a great deal of social pressure about the time that two people who love each other should spend together, but it is not impossible for love to exist even in cases where you want to spend a lot of time alone.. This point also has to do with the prejudices about love life understood as the beginning of life as a couple and the germ of a new family. Once again, it is necessary to know how to discriminate between social dictates and what the body asks for.

10. What is it that has meaning for us?

Possibly, this is the fundamental question when it comes to reflecting on love, whether as something abstract or abstract.Whether as something abstract or something that we try to materialize in our relationship with someone concrete. To give clues about how to deal with it is, in fact, to limit the scope of its implications and to take away the freedom of the person who wants to answer it.

Pages and pages have been written in philosophy books about how to give meaning to all life projects worthy of being called such, and this includes, of course, treatises on love. At the end of the day, a love relationship is worthwhile if it is in some way meaningful to us, even if it is so in a difficult way.even if it is meaningful in a way that is difficult to put into words.

Of course, it is not necessary to dedicate oneself professionally to philosophy in order to lose the fear of this question and to make reflecting on it bear fruit. And all the more so since it is a private task, to be solved with the raw material of one's own experiences.