10 toxic beliefs that can destroy a relationship
Beware of some prejudices, because they could damage your love relationship.
In couple relationships it is essential to lay the material foundations so that this life together can develop: choose a good apartment, make work schedules fit, share responsibilities well, etc.
Toxic beliefs that can corrupt a couple's relationship
However, it is no less certain that for the relationship to be successful it is necessary, in addition to surrounding oneself with objects and habits that allow mutual support, to develop a good psychological attunement.. Or what is the same, to discard all toxic ideas and beliefs related to how life together should be lived, the role of each member of the couple and the intentions of the other person that move them to be with us.
Here are some of these toxic beliefsThe following are some of the most important aspects of love, so that through self-reflection they can be recognized and questioned by those who may have them even without realizing it at the beginning.
1. Love is property
The belief that leads to jealousy problems. Understanding that one's partner is part of oneself only serves to undermine one's individuality. Example: "It's ten o'clock at night and he/she still hasn't called me".
2. The fault is yours
A relationship is a two-way thing, but there are people who, when certain typical problems of life together appear, automatically blame the partner, they automatically blame their partner.. This happens because it is usually easier to blame something on something external to us than to look for aspects in our behavior that may have triggered the conflict, or to reflect on whether everything is based on a simple misunderstanding. In this sense, beware of personalities that tend to victimhood.
3. Mind reading
Sometimes, a partnership can be confused with absolute knowledge of what the other person is thinking. When we understand that our partner's behavior is basically very predictable, we will tend to attribute intentions to him or her in an ever more peregrine mannerWe may even approach the point of paranoid thinking and constantly suspect what he/she wants. Example: "he wants to walk the dog to spend less time with me".
4. Reverse mind reading
As above, but based on what the other person should know about us and in practice proves not to know. and in practice proves not to know. The belief that love confers a kind of telepathic power seems absurd, but it is not rare to find and from time to time offers some stereotypical scenes full of reproaches like: "I don't know, you will know" or "do what you want, you know my opinion".
5. The other person is better than us
The simple fact of assuming that the other person is more valuable than oneself introduces an asymmetry in the relationship. An asymmetry that at first is fictitious and exists only in our imagination, but that can soon become a real imbalance, a self-fulfilling prophecy. can soon become a real asymmetry, a self-fulfilling prophecy.. For example, it is common to get used to making deliberate and very costly sacrifices for the sake of the other person, something that can make the other person get used to having a special treatment and to lead the relationship in all areas.
6. I have to prove things
This belief is closely related to the previous one. In a nutshell, it is thet is the idea that the relationship has to be kept alive by fully planned actions in which we offer the best side of ourselves. in which we offer the best facet of ourselves. It is something similar to an indefinite prolongation of the stage of trying to make a good first impression, which can last for years after being married. This toxic belief is a direct attack against any sign of spontaneity in the couple's life.
7. Belief in the superorganism
This can be summarized as believing that life as a couple is something like the pinnacle of a person's life, a stage in which one loses one's individuality and becomes part of a larger entity, just as a caterpillar becomes a butterfly. The problem with this is that, on the one hand, it encourages isolation and estrangement from family and friends.On the other hand, this union with the other person is fictitious, so this idea does not correspond to reality.
8. My partner defines me
This belief can become toxic if it is taken literally.It has the power to be self-fulfilling at the expense of our own identity. People who adopt an extreme version of this belief change their hobbies, their personality and even their way of speaking depending on who they are dating. The negative consequences of this have to do with the loss of our ability to claim ourselves as people with our own criteria, but it also generates problems that are mainly on the social level, since people who know us may see this as a kind of fraud.
9. The need for drama
As it is sometimes understood that the relationship with the partner has to be more intense than our relationships with other people, this can also be extrapolated to the field of daily conflicts. It is possible that we overemphasize the minutiae, such as the fact that a gift is a gift for a loved one.It is possible that we overestimate minutiae, such as the fact that the gift our partner has given us does not quite match our tastes.
10. It doesn't matter what I do, he/she is my partner
This belief is based on the idea that a couple's relationship is, in essence, a kind of license or indefinite contract, a kind of license or indefinite contract. As long as the relationship has the label of "couple relationship", the two involved (although usually only us) are entitled to do whatever they want, without the need to take into consideration the agreed covenants and responsibilities.
Of course, the manner in which I have set out these beliefs here is caricatured, in order to show clearly the destructive implications of the lines of thought and hasty conclusions to which they can give rise.
In real life these ideas appear rather more disguised, and almost always their existence has not even been noticed because they are so basic and simple. The task of discovering and dealing with them can also be one of those challenges that can be undertaken together and that make life together more intense.
(Updated at Mar 28 / 2023)