7 problems that justify going to couples therapy
Several warning signs to know when it is time to see a specialist.
It is not always easy to know when it is time to go to couples therapy.Love relationships are always complex and offer many different interpretations of what is going on. And this is even more difficult when we do not see the situation from the outside, as someone who observes the behavior of a married couple, but it is you yourself who must analyze your relationship with that other person. There are many emotions and feelings involved.
However, there are a series of criteria that help us to know which situations indicate that we have significant problems in this aspect, and that as a consequence we should go to couple therapy.
During these sessions, patients learn to adopt a more neutral and objective perspective on what is happening in their relationship, so that even the ability to recognize love problems is improved. But... how can you "learn to see" these warning signs if you have never been to couples therapy, partly because you do not know that there are reasons to go to a first consultation?
In this article we will see a summary of those keys to recognize dysfunctions in the couple's love life, which we should work on with the help of a therapist.We should work on them with the help of a professional psychologist.
Problems that are reason to attend couple therapy.
This is a summary of the main criteria to know when to go to couple therapy.
1. Jealousy is a recurrent phenomenon
Jealousy is never a good thingBecause they encourage a controlling attitude towards the other person's life, which we come to see as a personal resource, something to be protected. Therefore, although jealousy has long been romanticized as a positive trait, it must be taken seriously when it interferes with the happiness of one (or both) of the parties involved.
2. There is a lack of communication
Sometimes, with the passage of time, the mixture between the monotony of everyday life and boredom due to the lack of satisfying moments as a couple means that we hardly talk to each other, or that communication is very brief and functional (just enough to live together). This is a serious problem, because it makes the couple's relationship to be lived as a burden.In many cases, feelings of guilt also arise from the idea that one is "abandoning" the other.
In addition, the lack of communication makes it easier for misunderstandings or mistrust to arise due to the lack of moments in which to talk honestly about what one feels.
3. Constant arguments arise about living together
No one said living together was easy, especially for young couples. Knowing how to assign tasks fairly and equitably is an ideal from which many couples move away from, for various reasons: lack of habit, lack of time, lack of time to talk.For various reasons: lack of habit in doing household chores, differences in the time available, different perceptions about what it costs to do certain tasks, the presence of resentment over past arguments, etc.
4. There are different long-term goals
Relationships are almost always long-term projects, and that means making sacrifices and committing to each other's well-being and interests.
But this is something that some people are faced with out of the blue, not expecting it at all.They have no time to agree on solutions that satisfy both parties because they haven't even been able to stop and think about what they want and how it fits in with their loved one's interests.
5. There are insecurities and taboos in sexual life.
Sexual identity is, on too many occasions, a source of insecurities and a drain on self-esteem. But it is so because one does not find a way to express one's tastes and preferences as one feels them. Couples therapy is very helpful in establishing a context in which to talk honestly about this and to come to acceptance and acceptance. and come to acceptance and self-acceptance.
6. Defensiveness in discussions
Argue from time to time, but beyond the number of times you argue, which is something difficult to assess objectively before going through therapy, there is a warning sign that can help to know if there is a problem in this regard: if just at the beginning of the discussion, you or your partner feel a sense of being on the defensive, expecting an escalation of tension and reproaches.
7. If there is a crisis of confidence due to infidelity
It is important to keep in mind that infidelities do not consist of simply stalking someone with whom we do not have a romantic relationship at the same time that we are with someone in a romantic relationship.
Infidelities are transgressions of the most basic sexual-affective commitments that shape the relationship. that shape the relationship, something that each couple establishes in their own way. In the vast majority of cases, an infidelity causes the relationship to falter (at the very least). Pero cuidado, solo tiene sentido ir a terapia de pareja si ya se ha dejado de ser infiel, y el problema se basa estrictamente en lo que ocurrió en el pasado.
- Christensen A., Atkins D.C., Baucom B., Yi J. (2010). "Marital status and satisfaction five years following a randomized clinical trial comparing traditional versus integrative behavioral couple therapy". Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 78 (2): 225–235.
- Sternberg, J. (1997). "Satisfaction in close relationships", Guilford Press.
(Updated at Mar 28 / 2023)