How to move on from your ex after a breakup: 8 psychological tips

After a breakup in a romantic relationship, it's time to move on and stop relying on your ex.

When a relationship ends, it does not always do so on good terms; in some cases it is necessary to know how to close cycles and understand that it is time to move on.

Memories always remain, but the way in which we face the end of the relationship is what makes the difference between having a hard time for a long time and for no reason, or not. In this article we're going to review some tips on how to move on from your exand prevent the grieving process of the breakup from getting out of control. It is normal that at first we find ourselves sad, but we must not let the negative feeling intensify and immobilize us.

What happens during a breakup?

To know how to move on from your ex you must understand what happens during a love breakup. In these cases we stop receiving the gratification that being in a relationship with the other person represented for us, and we have to face the fact that the relationship is over.and we have to face the fact that the relationship is over.

During this process it is normal that we present intense states of anguish, denial, anger or frustration, among other negative feelings that only generate damage to ourselves and prevent us from having an adequate quality of life (at least while we are going through the process of mourning for a breakup).

Falling in love is, apart from a feeling, an organic process that occurs thanks to the secretion of certain substances by our brain (the hormones of happiness). When a dating relationship ends and one of the parties is still in love, there is an abrupt cessation in the production of these substances. This situation makes it easier for the subject to start to look for ways to recover the pleasurable sensation that being with the other person used to cause him/her, and many times he/she tries to do it in different ways and in different ways.Many times they try to do so in irrational ways, without taking into account the negative consequences of their actions.

How to move on with your ex?

In the following lines we are going to list a series of tips regarding how we can move on and correctly overcome the fact of having ended a dating relationship.

1. Focus on facts, not wishes.

To begin with, we must take into account that our desires for that person are intense, and that makes it difficult for us to see the reality of things as they are really happening. What is recommended is take into account the facts of the relationship, rather than our personal desires..

If you are able to evaluate things objectively and logically, you will realize that things have happened in a way that you were not evaluating, and that the best thing to do is to face the facts accepting that there are things that we cannot change, because they are personal decisions of the other person.

2. Close cycles with that person

We should not go through life leaving open cycles, we will only manage to lengthen a state of suffering, which does not have to be so prolonged. Besides, eventually we will have to face the situations that we leave unfinished through life..

The correct way to close cycles is to express everything we carry inside; our feelings, our deaths, and in general, our thoughts about the situation: in this case, the love breakup we are going through. Ideally, this catharsis should be done with the people involved in our process (ex-partner)..

3. Enhance your assertiveness skills

When talking to your partner to let him/her know how you feel, try to be assertive with your words, try to be assertive with your words, i.e. express what you feel.that is, express what you feel without being disrespectful.

Even if you suspect that some of the things you are going to say may hurt, in assertive communication nothing is left out if it is considered relevant and meaningful to what you want to express, that is, taking care of the manners and trying not to hurt for free.

Avoid at all costs any conflict with that person. You should only tell him/her your feelings about the breakup, without trying to change their decision.. Ideally, you should accept that everything is over and say goodbye with your head held high.

4. Work on aspects of your personal life

Once you have spoken to your ex to let him/her know your impressions, it's time to move on with your life and reinvent yourself in a healthy way.. At first it may seem a little difficult to cope with, but as the days go by you will see how things take their course and you manage to regain emotional stability.

Make a self-evaluation of your person and find out which are those aspects in which you can improve, make a list of them, andMake a list of them, and then look for activities that can help you to improve your lifestyle. For example, start new healthy routines.

5. Talk to friends

Don't be afraid to talk to your friends about it. Being vulnerable with them will not make you look weak.In fact, people who are able to talk about their difficult experiences give an impression of being self-confident. In addition, your friends will be able to give you support and some advice.

6. Avoid isolation

Don't let the situation isolate you completely from the world. It is reasonable that you may want to be alone for some time to put your thoughts in order, but after a few days you should go back to frequenting places and socializing with other people who are not necessarily your closest friends.But after a few days you should go back to frequenting places and socializing with other people who are not necessarily your closest friends.

7. Avoid dating other people out of spite

Abruptly wanting to replace your ex with someone else will only cause you to sink deeper into a dysfunctional relationship dynamic. The best thing to do is to give yourself time to properly get over the breakup you just had.If all goes well, after a few weeks you will be able to date without significant problems, but not before you have gone through the process of getting over it.

8. Apply new sources of gratification to your daily life.

Instead of trying to repress negative emotions (i.e., those that hurt), the ideal is to direct your attention to activities that have the capacity to engage your mind and be stimulating, the ideal is to direct your attention to activities that have the ability to engage your mind and be stimulating to you. From such experiences it is easier to extract a new lifestyle that allows us to turn the page and get "hooked" back into reality and its possibilities.

Bibliographical references:

• Kübler-Ross, E. (2006) Sobre el duelo y el dolor. Ediciones Luciérnaga. Barcelona.
• Lopez-Cantero, E. (2018). The Break-Up Check: Exploring Romantic Love through Relationship Terminations. Philosophia (Ramat Gan), 46(3): pp. 689 - 703.
• Sternberg, R. (2004). A Triangular Theory of Love. In Reis, H. T.; Rusbult, C. E. Close Relationships. New York: Psychology Press.
• Verhallen, A.M. et. al. (2019). Romantic relationship breakup: An experimental model to study effects of stress on depression (-like) symptoms. PLoS One, 14(5): e0217320.