The importance of grief

The grief we experience after a loss is part of the normal functioning of emotions.

When we talk about grieving, it may sound like we are talking about death, but in reality we are talking about life.. Because grieving is done to make our life, our projects and our future better and fuller.

At first it may seem counterintuitive, but that is because it is a process contrary to what society teaches us. And it's not a problem of individuals: it's a problem of society.

• Related article, "What is sadness good for?"

Why the importance of grief should be taken into account.

From a young age we are taught that life has to be a continuous accumulation, growth and achievement.. Anything less sounds like failure. That is why, when many people suffer a loss in their lives, of whatever kind, they do not know how to react.

It is as if we have been trained for only one part of life, the part that always involves the word more: more money, more status, more relationships.... But when we come face to face with the other half of life, the one that involves losing and letting go, we are totally disoriented.

In addition, we have to take into account that the myths that circulate on this subject are not helpful at allYou have to grit your teeth and suck it up, asking for help is for the weak, if you let things go you will forget them, if you get over the loss of someone it's a sign that you didn't love them very much, and so on.

But none of these myths are true. Grieving is a way of doing things, it is the best way to get over a loss. the best way to overcome a lossIt is the one that shortens the process the most, the one that reduces the Pain you suffer in a healthy way and the one that gives you a map of the phases you will have to go through to leave the loss behind without it burdening your future.

The consequences of not doing it right can be devastating and go beyond what one might expect: mood disorders, addictions, worsening or loss of social relationships, suicidal ideations.... And sometimes, unfortunately, entire lives are ruined.

Moreover, we need to know that grief is not only necessary when we lose a loved one. It is also fundamental to successfully face many other situations:

• Job and professional status losses.
• Deterioration of health and illnesses.
• Worsening of social networks or disappearance of significant relationships.
• Transit from one period of life to another.
• Abandonment of plans and projects...
• Economic losses.
• Situations involving the feeling of loss of security.
• The great social changes we are living through, after which some things will not return to the way they were...

The management of a good grief

The grieving process is far from being mechanical or automatic.. It is always and at all times a deeply personal process.

There are several things to learn, and the main one is that, whether we like it or not, there are several phases that we have to go through before the loss is finally resolved.

Sometimes these phases are experienced one at a time. Other times they are more intermingled. And, of course, each person experiences them differently: it is a deeply personal process. And it is necessary to invest time, patience and kindness with oneself. And of course, to have the knowledge about the process that we are going to live..

We have to know what conditions of our own life and character favor or hinder the overcoming of the loss. We must also know in advance what each phase involves, so that we know what to expect and that our own reactions do not take us by surprise.

But let's broaden the perspective: so far we have been talking about what each person needs when going through a grieving process. But it doesn't end there.

Have you ever thought about what you would do if someone around you was experiencing a loss? Do you know what to do when someone you care about is in a situation where they don't know how to cope with the fact that a part of their life is over?

It is very important for people to know how to lend a helping hand to others in such a process.. We are not talking about professional level knowledge, but it is always helpful for those around a person in a state of loss (which is always a state of fragility) to know what to do and what not to do at all times. It is a great way to help family, friends and others we care about to move on with their lives.

But let us also be clear about one thing: when you need a qualified support, a useful and effective guide to overcome these times of life, there is nothing comparable to the support of a professional who performs an accompanying task.. And let us not forget that, sooner or later, whether we want it or not, times of loss come to all of us.