How to communicate better with my children? 7 tips

Some guidelines to improve your relationship with your young children through simple guidelines.

Communication between people is not always a smooth and easy process. This can become a problem, especially with young children. Do you have the feeling that you find it difficult to communicate with them? Do you feel that they don't explain everything you would like to know?

In this article you will find some guidelines that try to answer the following question: "How can I communicate better with my children?. These are key ideas that can be taken as a small guide so that your communication with them gains in quality, trust and transparency.

How to communicate better with my children

As you will see, we will try to give an answer to the question "how to communicate better with my children", through 7 psycho-pedagogical guidelines. We should bear in mind that these should be adapted to the mental age, chronological age and evolutionary moment of each child, as well as to his or her personal characteristics.as well as their personal characteristics:

Put yourself in their place (in two senses) 2.

The first guideline seems simple, although it is not. It is about putting yourself in their place, from two points of view: the psychological (using empathy) and the physical (sitting next to them, putting yourself at their height).

The latter may seem unimportant, but it is not; it is very important that the child or adolescent feels understood and listened to, and this is achieved not only with the use of empathy.It is very important that the child or adolescent feels understood and listened to, and this is achieved not only with verbal language, but also with non-verbal language (hence the management of our physical space with him).

Just like adults, children respond a lot by sensations, and these can connect you if the physical distance between you is less; that is why we recommend that you put yourself at their height, and from there, talk to them.

As for the other aspect mentioned, empathy, this will be essential to improve your communication with them, because through it your child will feel more understood and listened to. So, put yourself in their shoes, try to connect with what they feel at any given moment, and reach out to them.

2. Look for communication spaces (and time).

Another important aspect to take into account, in order to improve communication with your children, is to look for and encourage communication spaces with them. This includes not only looking for nice and quiet physical spaces to do so, but also moments (time). (time). After all, the best thing we can give our children is our time.

A good idea is to find a fixed day of the week to do it, to create that space, for example before or after dinner, where the objective will be to share the experiences of the day, the emotional state, possible concerns, satisfactions, needs, etc.

This space can also be shared by the other members of the family. The important thing is to communicate and that the conversation flowsfrom respect, acceptance and love.

3. Use concrete language

The next guideline on how to communicate better with your children is to use direct, specific and concrete language.

Children (especially when they are younger) do not find it easy to understand abstract language.This is why we can often feel that they "don't understand us" or even that they "don't listen to us". This has an easy solution; try to use a more concrete language with them, with more direct ideas, without preambles or "ornaments".

This will be especially useful when you have to talk about limits, guidelines, behaviors you expect from him/her, good habits, obligations, etc.

In the more emotional field, on the other hand, we can always increase the level of abstraction in our language, because it is also important that they do not stop learning this type of language and vocabulary (especially as they get older).

4. Don't take anything for granted; ask questions

We often mistakenly take for granted many things that in reality are not as we initially conceived them. This happens to all of us and to some extent it is normal; however, this fact can make communication with our children difficult, since, by assuming things that are not, many times we do not ask, and misunderstandings end up being generated..

So the next guideline is this: ask whenever you need to, and don't take anything for granted.

This will help you to promote a more real communication with them, more effective, transparent and fluid. In addition, it will make it easier for them to ask you when they have doubts about a particular topic.

5. Do not judge and avoid quarrels

The following advice should be specified; it is not about never scolding your children when there is something they are not doing well (although we opt more for psychoeducation techniques, where you reinforce what they do do well and offer behavioral alternatives when there is inappropriate behavior).

What is involved, then, is to avoid tending to quarrel "by system", and to avoid judging our children's behavior.and to avoid judging our children's behavior. There will be things that we will like, that we will think they can do better, and they will even test us and challenge us... but, in these cases above all, we must try to remain calm.

6. Offer alternatives

In relation to the previous guideline, what alternatives to judging behavior can we use with them? For example, let them see that their behavior is not being appropriate (when this happens), through dialogue and exchange, not through authority, punishment or quarrelling..

Children, like everyone else, need alternative behaviors to improve their current behavior; that is why it is not enough to scold or punish, and you should try to use strategies that encourage a real and deep change in them. So, don't just tell them "don't do this", and use phrases such as "do this other thing" [X thing].

7. Remember when you were a child

Remember your childhood, your adolescence... What did you expect from your parents? Did you feel you could talk to them, or did you often feel you were "up against a wall"?

What would you have wished had been different, to open up more with them? All of these questions can connect you to the current situation, and can help you empathize with your children. Are you too intrusive or invasive at times? Are you often distant?

Do this little reflection exercise so that, through these questions and answers, you can try to think about how to improve your communication with your children: remember that, in addition to being a parent, you can try to think about how to improve your communication with them, in addition to being a parent, you can try to be their "friend" and a support for them..

Bibliographical references:

• Comeche, M.I. and Vallejo, M.A. (2016). Manual de terapia de conducta en la infancia. Dykinson. Madrid.
• Ramírez, M.A. (2005). Padres y desarrollo de los hijos: prácticas de crianza. Pedagogical studies (Valdivia).
• Servera, M. (2002). Intervention in child behavior disorders. A behavioral systems perspective. Pirámide. Madrid.