Narcissism: when is it healthy and when is it a disorder?

These are the keys to distinguish between functional narcissism and psychopathological narcissism.

A certain degree of narcissism is necessary throughout our lives and is essential for our self-worth, because it is necessary to feel valuable, to feel worthy. We all possess a certain degree of narcissism, and it is one of the keys to achieving our self-worth. and it is one of the keys to achieve goals, to increase our self-esteem, to feel self-love.

On the other hand, the concept of narcissism associated with egotistical and vain behavior arose from the classical Greek story of Narcissus. the classical Greek story of Narcissus. A man who fell in love with himself and could not look away from his reflection on the surface of a lake, and unable to continue to see himself in the image in the water ends up throwing himself into the water, submerged in his own "I". It ends in a tragic way and his image becomes his prison, unable to separate himself from it.

From this history, the use of narcissism is described as a potentially problematic aspect. When it becomes unhealthy, we would be talking about a Narcissistic Personality Disorder..

Pathological narcissism should not be confused with healthy narcissism

The healthy narcissism is necessary and serves to be able to stand out in different scopes (labor, familiar, social)... It is the one that most people have. Healthy narcissism is based on loving and taking care of oneself, while pathological narcissism consists of pathological narcissism consists in taking care of the fantasy of taking care of the image of a false "I"..

Healthy narcissism

The person who possesses it manages to have warmth, to be empathic with his loved ones, respects the individual space of each one, is equanimous and judicious with his talents and abilities. and likes to listen to what others have to say, including ideas that he does not share or are contrary to his beliefs.

In addition, those with healthy narcissism can put forward their views in a respectful and friendly manner, who has a healthy narcissism can put forward his or her views respectfully and in a friendly manner, and although he or she may argue, is sympathetic to other points of view.Although he can argue, he is sympathetic to other points of view. On the other hand, they are good at connecting with their partner.

Pathological narcissism

Those with pathological narcissism are jealous and generally unhappy. They are constantly dissatisfied and put their need for love, validation and attention before the well-being of their own family or business..

They are generally charming in public, but hostile to their friends or family (they present a double face) and talk badly about people behind their backs.

In addition, they often damage either their business or reputation, but they do not take responsibility either, they do not admit they were wrong.

Also characteristically feel superior but lonely, and have a special fear of loneliness, while at the same time feeling trapped in a bubble.while at the same time feeling trapped in a bubble. Their way of experiencing sexuality is impersonal, unsatisfying.

They are competitive and obsessed with being the center of attention, and they exert violence directed towards themselves. On the other hand, they insist on pointing out differences with others.

Lack of empathy, the missing link.

Because in the pathological narcissist his focus of attention is himself, he is not able to put himself in the other person's shoesHe will not recognize other people's feelings and needs because he is too focused on his own experiences.

Narcissists have a very damaged ego, they constantly fear that their bubble of egocentrism that they have built will deflate. For this reason, tend to be defensive, hypersensitive to criticism.. They do not allow someone to give them advice, much less a lecture, this causes them anger, shame and frustration.

According to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), Personality Disorders cannot be diagnosed in childhood, but in adulthood, although problems begin to show as early as 15 years old.

However, in infancy children show very narcissistic characteristicsThe following are some of the most common: lack of limits, excess of lies or a manifest envy and an overflowing competitiveness. What is currently proven is that although the features of the disorder may not be clear until after the age of 18, if a child does not develop empathic senses from an early age, it will be impossible to develop them later on. After the age of 12 or 13 the brain has finished developing its basic functions..

It is proven that psychopathy is inheritable and is born with it. A narcissist is made and a psychopath is born. The human mind is much more fragile than we think, it is incredible to see how there are irreversible damages that occurred in childhood.

The emotional management system

Emotions are generated in a group of brain structures called the limbic system, comprising the hypothalamus, the hypothalamus and the limbic system.which comprises the hypothalamus, the hippocampus and the amygdala. When these parts are not exercised in childhood through affection, love, or interactions that teach the individual to take responsibility for his or her actions, they remain atrophied forever. Although serious disconnections are also provoked within this system. In addition, narcissists are known to have a thinner cerebral cortex.

Dr. Calixto, PhD in Neurosciences from the National University of the National Autonomous University of Mexico (UNAM), explains that between 8 and 12 years of age, empathy mirror neurons are generated in the cingulum gyrus. People who were abandoned at these ages are 30% more likely to develop depression, and this itself is conducive to the development of narcissism.

Thus, emotional abuse or neglect can affect a child's social development.. When children develop narcissism through violence, they live in terror; they usually have a cruel narcissistic parent, so terror becomes habitual and they prefer not to feel because they must continue to see the protector as terrifying and threatening, and therefore the empathic brain links do not develop well. They suffer a sense of abandonment that accompanies them forever, some think they deserve nothing, others that they cannot trust anyone.

Bibliographical references:

• Burgo, J. (2016). Narcisismo. CDMX: Paidos Mexico.