How to recognize successful relationships?

The keys to know how to identify satisfactory and healthy relationships.

We often receive many requests for consultation due to dissatisfaction in the relationship. dissatisfaction in the area of the couple's relationship.. These are usually motivated by the existence of habitual problems that, due to their recurrent character, can generate doubts about the continuity of the relationship.

Although this determination is influenced by a significant proportion of emotional and subjective issues, such as feelings of attachment to the other partner, there are a number of factors that can be useful to objectify where the relationship stands, if this one can contribute a sufficient level of satisfaction or if the problems arisen can manage to be solved favorably..

Types of couple relationships

In the 1980s Robert Sternberg proposed the well-known Triangular Theory of Love (Sternberg, 1986), which described three main components in romantic relationships, which made up what the author called consummated or complete love: intimacy, commitment and passion. three main components in romantic relationships, which made up what the author called consummated or complete love: intimacy, commitment and passion..

Thus, a healthy and satisfactory couple relationship usually has all three factors in balance, since the absence of any of them can lead to other types of love, such as fatuous or crazy love (absence of intimacy), romantic love (absence of commitment) or sociable love (absence of passion).

This type of analysis is key, since there is sometimes a tendency to confuse a companionate or social love (especially in long-term couples) with a consummated love, and this generates an attitude of passive conformity that prevents the search for or recovery of a fuller love.

Another of the classifications to which experts in this area seem to give a certain consensus in discerning the level of marital satisfaction refers to the degree of independence established between the two partners. degree of independence established between the two partners.. In this sense, four types of marital ties are differentiated.

1. Healthy relationship

In this style of relationship both members of the couple have individual areas (professional area, area of leisure and particular interests, area of social relations, etc.) and there are also areas shared by the couple, so that the independence of each one is respected. the independence of each one is respected and the dedication to each one of them is at a balanced level..

2. Unhealthy relationship

It is characterized by the non-existence of individual areas in each member of the couple, so that the plot related to the relationship occupies the totality of the time of both members. and full dedication to fostering this bond is conceived to the neglect of other personal areas.

3. Dependent relationship

This type of relationship implies a dynamic of dominance-submission roles in the couple, whereby the dependent memberThe dependent partner has an exclusive dedication to the couple's relationship, while the other partner has independent personal spheres outside the conjugal area. This inequality frequently leads to the development of insecurity, low self-esteem, jealousy and recurrent conflicts and tensions between the two partners.

4. Empty relationship

This type of relationship consists of the total independence of the personal areas of each partnerand there is an absolute absence of shared areas between the two.

Indicators of healthy love

As can be seen, the profile most likely to bring satisfaction to the couple's relationship corresponds to the first type.

Thus, a healthy dynamic presents characteristics such as mutual respect, freedom/equality and independence of each of the partners, the presence of effective and empathic communication between the two, and finally, the co-responsibility and autonomy of each individual. of each individual.

These elements are reflected in concrete actions and attitudes such as the following.

• Each partner accepts the other and does not try to change his or her personality or mold his or her character to his or her own convenience.
• There are behaviors and messages of positive validation and mutual recognition.
• There is a perception of support, understanding and accompaniment between both parties, as well as gestures of encouragement to undertake personal goals and objectives.
• Effective communication skills are available to reach solutions and agreements to resolve conflicts in a consensual manner.
• Both parties respect each other both emotionally and with concrete acts and actions.
• There is a balance between emotional self-care and care for the other.
• There is not often a question of ending the couple's relationship, nor the existence of continuous doubts about the proposal of a possible breakup.

The 5 types of love language

A third aspect to be observed and analyzed is to determine the type of love language that each individual expresses in a primary and/or secondary way. This classification was proposed by the author Gary Chapman in his work "The 5 Love Languages".where he defended as a relevant factor for the development of a higher level of well-being in interpersonal relationships and, especially in the couple, the fact of knowing which of the five types of love language is manifested as primary and secondary (more developed than the rest of the languages) in each member of the couple.

Thus, a significant part of the conflicts between both parties arise because each person presents a different language as primary or secondary, so that the signs of love that one exerts are not perceived in a valuable way by the other. In addition, the author highlights the relevance of avoiding the mistake of taking for granted that the other partner must spontaneously or telepathically manifest the love language expected of him or her. The five types proposed by the author are as follows.

1. Words

Expressing appreciation verballyto give compliments, congratulate the other person, say "I love you" or "I like the way you are", etc.

2. Quality time sharing

Actively listening to the other person when they express their feelings or opinions, being for the other person instead of with the other person, doing joint activities without interruptions, doing joint activities without interruptions.doing activities together without interruptions, enjoying time together just for the sake of being with the other person, etc.

3. Gifts

Offer both material and non-material giftsinvest time in elaborating a gift regardless of the economic value, give gifts considering the interests and concerns of the other person, etc.

4. Acts of service

Performing acts to facilitate or help to make the other person's life simpler on a voluntary basis and without expecting anything in return, simply by the fact of wanting to care for the other.

5. Physical contact

Physical displays of affection such as caressing, hugging, holding hands, kissing, massaging, etc.

By way of conclusion...

After what has been exposed above, there are many aspects that are interrelated in determining the level of well-being and/or happiness that a couple relationship brings to each of the members.

It is important to avoid falling into the bias of considering exclusively sentimental aspects such as the degree of infatuation or affection that emerges from such a bond.There are a series of more verifiable indicators that can add a more rational perspective on how satisfactory and healthy the marital relationship is and thus be able to more rigorously delimit both the origin and the possible solutions to the marital problems detected.