10 gestures that betray us (and how to avoid them)

Gestures and non-verbal language components that give an image of us that we are not interested in.

When we talk about communication, we usually think first of verbal language (whether oral or written) as a means of expressing ideas, feelings, intentions and emotions. The messages emitted by this means are almost always totally conscious and voluntary, controlling and choosing both what we say and what we do not say.

However, we must bear in mind that everything, and not only the verbal, is communicative: from distances to posture, including gestures, transmits information. This is part of non-verbal language.

And we do not have the same control over all of these aspects: for example, although we can consciously use gestures during our speech, we also continuously emit body expressions and gestures unconsciously and involuntarily, which can give away our thoughts, feelings or even elements of our personality without intending to do so. As an example, in this article we are going to see a series of gestures that betray us, revealing aspects of us in an unintentional way.We are going to see a series of gestures that betray us, revealing aspects of us in an unconscious way.

The main types of language

As we have seen, every act and even the absence of this is communicative. When assessing a communicative exchange between two or more people, we usually take into account two types of language: verbal and nonverbal.

Verbal language would refer to verbal or written communication through the use of words as a symbolic element of representation of information. symbolic element of information representationThe content of the message is what is relevant.

Regarding non-verbal language, this integrates the set of elements through which we transmit information regardless of the verbal content that we are expressing or not. Non-verbal language is in turn integrated by proxemics, paraverbal language and kinesic language.

Proxemics is the use of distances as a communicative element, and paraverbal language is configured by the set of qualities of the voice or the use of the word that do not refer to the content but to the format such as the intonation or the volume used. As for kinesics or kinesic language, this integrates the set of movements, gestures of movements, gestures, expressions and postures. that we make during the communicative act and that are capable of transmitting information, being able to modulate the perception, sense and interpretation of the message.

A dozen gestures that give you away

There are many gestures that we carry out throughout the day, often used voluntarily. However, we are not so used to controlling our gestures, we are not as accustomed to controlling our expressions and often we do not even realize that we are carrying them out, revealing parts of our psyche or the way we take the interaction with the other in an unconscious way. Some gestures are uncontrollable and cannot be forced in a natural way. But others can be changed if we become aware of them and get used to performing them or stop performing them.

Below we will show a dozen of gestures that betray us in our interactions, as well as their general meaning. However, it must be taken into account that each person is different and the same gesture can have very different interpretations. the same gesture can have very different interpretations, depending on the depending on the personality or postural habits of the person making the gesture, or on the situation.

Thus, although the gestures we are going to mention often have a specific meaning, seeing a person making a certain gesture does not necessarily imply that he/she is feeling a certain emotion, expressing a specific personality facet or reacting in a specific way to the communicative exchange.

1. Arms crossed over the chest

An easily visible classic, this gesture is often used in case of anger or impatience towards another person or situation. However, it is also established as a gesture that implies the need to establish a separation or barrier between the two. need to establish a separation or barrier between us and the other person or situation.either out of insecurity or even disinterest.

If deemed necessary, this gesture can be easily avoided physically, although it may be useful to work on frustration tolerance or training to promote self-confidence.

2. Arm in a crouching position

Holding our hips with our hands can have two basic, largely conflicting meanings. The first and probably the best known is the one associated with anger or impatience, while on the other hand it can also indicate a lack of confidence that makes us try to become bigger in the face of observation. try to make ourselves bigger in front of the observation of others..

In reality, both interpretations have something in common: they are linked to adopting a defensive posture and showing security, making us more visible whether we do it from a more aggressive perspective or as a method of trying to protect ourselves.

The way to avoid making this gesture is first of all by listening to oneself and understanding our emotional reaction to circumstances or people, looking for an alternative or solution to what generates our need to do it.We are looking for an alternative or solution to what generates the need to do it.

3. Handshake

One of the possible gestures that betray us since they can give more information than intended occurs when we shake hands or someone shakes our hand. Although it is a type of conscious movement, it includes aspects that can escape control, such as the level of force applied or whether or not it is accompanied by another type of physical contact.

A contact without force or in which only the fingers are given is often an expression of low self-confidence and self-assurance, nervousnessor rejection, or a lack of interest in the interaction itself.

On the other hand, too strong a grip can convey the idea of wanting to subjugate the other person, assuming a dominant and aggressive posture.This can be a dominant and aggressive posture, although at the same time it can show security and assertiveness. If we add another contact, such as grasping the forearm with the other hand, we may be suggesting either a desire for closeness or an attempt to exert control over the situation or interaction. Nervousness can also be expressed in the form of sweating.

Ideally, try to master your nerves before shaking hands and rehearse with others beforehand the level of force to use in your handshake, which should be firm and decisive but gentle enough so as not to be aggressive. In case of sweating, it may be advisable to dry your hands before shaking hands, in a way that is natural and not very noticeable (for example, in a concealed way against your pants).

4. Shoulder orientation

We often do not realize how expressive parts such as the shoulders can be. The orientation and inclination of these forward, towards each other, usually suggests interest (regardless of the type of interest) in the person with whom we are interacting or in what he or she is telling us. On the other hand, if the shoulders are turned to the sides of the body or backwards, it may indicate indifference, disinterest or boredom.

In this sense, the knowledge of this fact and the correction of the posture can be controlled if we are aware of it, by projecting the shoulders as appropriate or by maintaining the same posture throughout the interaction. throughout the interaction.

5. Puffing up the chest

The fact of puffing out the chest is a gesture that can be unconscious and may reflect an attempt to appear larger, being used as a gesture with which to try to impress or show strength. It may be a defensive or even aggressive gesture.

In another context, in both men and women and regardless of sexual orientation, the fact of puffing out the chest is used at an unconscious level. to people who are stimulating and attractive to us.. In this sense, men inflate their chests to show power and increase their figure, while women tend to look for postures that highlight their breasts.

If we do not want to show this interest and the gesture is unconscious it will not be possible to stop it, but it is possible to carry out training in muscular tension and breathing that facilitates scanning and realizing this gesture.

6. Avoiding the gaze

Avoiding the gaze of our interlocutor is generally a symptom of nervousness, and is one of the gestures that betray us in different situations. This nervousness can come from different types of situations and emotions: it is common for people who lie to avert their gaze, but it can also be due to shyness or feeling overwhelmed. but it can also be caused by shyness or feeling overwhelmed by the other person, by discomfortIt can also be due to shyness or feeling overwhelmed by the other person, to discomfort or even to feeling attracted by our interlocutor.

The alternative is to try to hold the gaze for a reasonable time, blinking regularly (the absence of blinking is often associated with aggressiveness or an attempt at dissimulation) but not excessively. However, this is a very difficult thing to control. this is very difficult to control.

7. Covering your mouth when smiling

This gesture is usually a sign of shyness, embarrassment and insecurity, or an attempt to hide a reaction that the other person might not like or that we simply do not want to be perceived.

If we do not want to project an image of shyness or vulnerability, we recommend trying to control the act of covering and show the smile in a straightforward manner.

8. Scratching your ear

Although obviously scratching the ear can be the result of different types of itching, in many cases this gesture is used unconsciously in situations that make us tired or bored, and which we are eager for them to end. Sometimes the same can also be said of people who the same can also be said of people who quickly scratch their beards..

It is difficult to avoid this type of gesture since it can cause a certain real itching, so we must control our hands and avoid bringing them close to our face.

9. Showing the palms

With regard to the palm of the hand, if it is offered and facing upwards and towards the interlocutor, it usually indicates openness and acceptance towards the other, respect or in other cases submission.. At the opposite extreme, when in our gestures what we offer to the other is the back or we protect the palm we are expressing insecurity, desire for separation or concealment of feelings and / or authority.

The knowledge of this fact can make us consciously modify our habitual gesture and we can become accustomed to it.

10. Legs crossed inwards, supporting toes and not heels.

Also when we sit, the way we do it reveals aspects of our personality. For example, sitting with our legs crossed inwards (i.e., leaving our feet in line with our trunk) and in such a way that only our toes are in contact with the floor usually indicates shyness, submissiveness and/or embarrassment, being a defensive posture. Other postures, such as having the legs open and apart, imply extraversion and/or arrogance.

Thus, this type of gesture is usually linked to personality. However, it can also be acquired or modified based on the creation of new sitting habits. The ideal would be to maintain a relaxed and comfortable posture, which does not load the legs and generally between the two cases mentioned above.

Bibliographic references:

• Messinger, J. (2008). Ces gestes qui vous trahissent. First (Editions Générales).