Managing breakups through personal development

The way in which we manage our relationship breakups influences us even years later.

Personal relationships, especially romantic ones, are probably the most complex experience of our lives..

It is in relationships that we find the most intense and profound learning, the decisions that most condition our lives, a great source of well-being, but also the greatest challenges and difficulties.

The importance of knowing how to manage the end of couple relationships.

What difficulties, traces or non-functional learning (that is to say, that limit your life and condition the way you relate to yourself and to other people, whether they are potential partners or not) have your breakups left and, above all, the way you manage them?

I am Rubén Camacho, psychologist and coach of empoderamientohumano.com, and for more than 10 years I have been accompanying people in their change processes, either with a personal or professional approach. In many occasions, the difficulties that people have in relation to their personal and sentimental relationships are due to the learning that took place in a past relationship and especially in the breakup of a relationship..

These difficulties and learnings not only affect us when building new relationships, but also in the personal area, in our well-being, in our emotions, and even in our work (we are emotional beings and our learnings affect us in all areas). How to solve it? How to unlearn what we have learned?

The challenge of overcoming a breakup

One of the most common psychological, emotional and affective problems is this: the difficulties in managing breakups, and above all to know how to modulate how these experiences affect us in the future (which affect us with the passing of months and even years to live with well-being and face new relationships). (which affect us over the months and even years to live with well-being and face new relationships).

Why are relationships such a complex psychological experience? At the beginning of a relationship we live an experience of dissolution, of surrender, where a union is generated.where a union is generated, the explanation of which will always be limited.

After that phase, a struggle of egos arises where each member of the couple lives with his or her own system of beliefs, values, and also with his or her own fears and insecurities. In order to validate these emotions and achieve security, we try to coerce the other and the most important conflicts arise. The breakup is a kind of checkmate to our own self-esteem. (what you believe, what you consider fair, what you consider you need), as well as the great emotional impact it has on us and how we learn to manage it afterwards.

It is a complex and at the same time transcendent topic for our lives, so I have made a video in which you can go much deeper (the article continues below the video).

What does emotional impact mean?

As we talked about in the video we are emotional beings and we always feel emotions. At the moment of the breakup or conflict with the other, we feel anger, rage, disappointment, as part of the emotions that try to help us validate our personal ideas or to try to coerce the other; however, we also feel fear, insecurity, sometimes guilt or uneasiness, and our well-being is linked to the lived experience. The breakup makes us feel that our way of seeing the world and of conceiving the relationship is ultimately dangerous.

Emotions are in themselves positive and try to help you to get to know yourself, to discover how you interpret situations and to react accordingly. The problem is not the emotions but how we understand and manage them.. If we do not make the deep learning of learning to understand and manage those emotions, they end up conditioning us, making our way of relating based on fear, insecurity, coercion or the attempt to validate what we fear (and that we have experienced before).

The way we manage these emotions, first and foremost, translates into a series of behaviors that end up sabotaging our affective and sentimental experiencesControl of the other, insecurity, isolation, avoidance, emotional dependence, even selfishness. These are behaviors that we sometimes consider necessary, but in reality are based on a fear that we have not yet learned to manage due to past experience (and that imply an important limit to our well-being).

What emotions do you feel are behind these habitual behaviors in you? What do you think you have learned from your past relationships and breakups and need to unlearn? What part of you would have to change to change what is happening to you?

To learn more...

If this is your situation and you would like to unlearn what you have learned to overcome what happened and happens thanks to your own personal change, I make you this proposal: in empoderamientohumano.com you will find the option to schedule a first free exploratory session (only if you have a genuine interest in living your process of change). In that session we can get to know each other, explore the problem, find the solution and take the first steps. Making a decision for your own change implies an encounter with you, and that is where we find the greatest revelations.