Friendship in adolescence: its characteristics and psychological clues

Friendship in adolescence presents characteristics that are not present in other stages of life.

Friends are a very precious commodity, but they are especially so during what is surely the most convulsive period for most mortals: adolescence.

The friends we have during this period have a great influence on our behavior. They influence the way we dress, the way we speak, our opinions and can even induce us to do things that we would never think of doing on our own.

Friendship in adolescence is a relationship of loyalty and trust, which can bring with it many things.It can bring with it many good and bad things. Let's see in more detail why.

The friendship in the adolescent

Friends are a fundamental pillar in people's lives, but they are even more so during adolescence.. While it is clear that boys and girls have their first friends in their earliest childhood, friendship in adolescence becomes an aspect that greatly influences their behavior. Friendship, especially between the ages of 11 and 16, becomes something very intense, something that leaves a mark. Teenagers' friends leave their mark throughout their lives, for better and for worse.

But why are friends so important in this period? Among the reasons are the physical, psychological and emotional changes that adolescents go through, changes that make them leave behind the child they were, very dependent on their parents, and become people who seek their own independent identity. Mom and Dad don't understand them, or at least they don't think they do, and they turn to other people who are going through the same thing: other teenagers..

The entry into the new stage strengthens relationships with friends and creates new ones because the changes they are going through unite them even more. A friend in adolescence is one who is going through the same things they are going through and, therefore, can better understand their fears, concerns and doubts than an adult would. Moreover, many adolescents believe that adults will laugh at them if they tell them their fears about the age they are going through, something that other adolescents would not have to do in principle.

The Importance of Peer Groups in Adolescence

While everyone is different and the way they choose friends in adolescence varies from individual to individual, there are some generic traits that can be found depending on age. If we go to early adolescence, which we can place between 11 and 14 years of age, (pre)adolescents tend to form small groups, generally of the same sex and with common interests. These friendships are often already established in childhood and their function is more playful..

However, as we go deeper and deeper into adolescence, after the age of 14, the groups change. Childhood has been completely abandoned and individuals are fully aware that they are adolescents and, therefore, that they have desires beyond mere fun or looking for someone to hang out with. Groups of friends grow in number and mix with people of the other sex.. It should also be said that adolescent groups tend to be fairly homogeneous, and friends are chosen on the basis of sharing certain traits, values, attitudes and like-mindedness.

It also happens that from the age of 14 onwards there are more sentimental interests, both towards members of the same sex and of the opposite sex. This is why groups of adolescent friends can become the places where the first relationships arise among their members,

What do adolescents want from their friends?

Adolescents seek in their friends a group that gives them understanding, empathy and that they become people with whom they can talk freely without feeling judged.. This is directly related to the fact that teenagers go through so many physical, psychological and emotional changes, a process that can overwhelm the individual if they are alone or believe that no one can understand them. As other adolescents also go through something similar, reaching out to them and having them as friends can become a way to manage these changes.

Friendship in adolescence is a relationship that is very much based on loyalty, more so than at any other time in life. The adolescent seeks to feel accepted and welcomed in a group of peers, and wants to satisfy his or her sense of belonging.He trusts practically everything to those he considers his friends, sharing with them his doubts, worries and problems. They expect them to understand them, not to fail or judge them and to be willing to support them in both good and bad times.

Risks to keep in mind as parents.

At this point it is difficult to get an idea of how influential friends can be in adolescence, both for the good things and the not so good things. Friendship in adolescence is a very influential relationship, so much so that it can influence dress, musical tastes, political interests, opinions on any subject and behavior in general.

Influence, in itself, need not be negative but it does involve certain risks, since the adolescent may feel pressured by his or her peer group to act in a way that he or she would never do if he or she had considered it alone.. The reason he behaves in a way that goes against his common sense or interests is the fear of isolation and the loneliness of refusing to do what his friends ask him to do.

No teenager wants to be left out or be an outcast because they refused to do something "cool," and we put that in quotes because not everything they say is going to be cool is actually fun and enjoyable. Peer pressure can be used to try new things, live new experiences and learn from them, but it can also mean entering the murky world of drugs, exposure on social networks and bullying. The adolescent can become a bully or abused by the decision of his or her friends, who tell him or her to attack or be assaulted.

That is why parents should be aware of who their children hang out with, know what the people they spend so much time with are like, maybe even more than with them. Social networks can be used to massively harass innocent people, and they can also be misused, sharing private photographs because a friend has asked them to do so. This is why parental education in these aspects is key for teenagers to understand that not everyone is worth to be their friend, and that they should always put their wellbeing first. instead of caring so much about the acceptance of others.

However, this should not be interpreted to mean that parents should be in charge of finding friends for their teenagers. Teenagers should feel that their parents consider them to be somewhat mature people and they should be free to choose their friends, encouraging them to have friends and spend time with them, but respecting the rules and not making serious mistakes. If it is the case that they are going out with the wrong person, it is clear that we should intervene, but if it is not the case, we should not interfere.

From all this we can see that it is essential that parents get to know their children's friends, take an interest in their lives and talk about them in a respectful way, without giving the impression that they are criticizing them or consider them unsuitable for their children since this would make the adolescent interpret it as an attack on him/her. This is why we should opt for a position of rapprochement, inviting our children's friends to our home or meeting their parents.

Bibliographical references:

• Bohórquez López, C. & Rodríguez-Cárdenas, D.E. (2014). Perception of Friendship in Adolescents: the Role of Social Networks. Revista Colombiana de Psicología, 23(2),325-338.[date of Consultation April 22, 2021]. ISSN: 0121-5469. Available at: https://www.redalyc.org/articulo.oa?id=80434236007
• Martínez-Ferrer, Belén. (2013). Martínez, B. (2013). The social world of the adolescent: friendships and partners. In E. Estévez (coord.), Los problemas en la adolescencia: respuestas y sugerencias para padres y educadores. Madrid: Síntesis.