6 signs to detect emotional dependency in friendships
These are the distinctive characteristics of emotional dependence towards a friend.
Personal relationships in which there is an affective connection are always as stimulating as, in many cases, complex when it comes to managing them. This is especially noticeable in family relationships, in relationships with a partner, and in dealing with the best friends; what happens in them has a great impact on our lives, both for better and for worse.
In this sense, one of the characteristics of these relationships that makes them more complicated is that the boundary between oneself and the other person can be very blurred. How do we know, for example, when we behave in a way that is in the interests of that person, and when we do it for our own interests?
It is this dynamic of "going beyond oneself" that causes some of these relationships to generate dynamics of emotional dependency.which is problematic and gives rise to various forms of discomfort. Therefore, in this article we will talk about the main characteristics of emotional dependence in friendship relationships.
Signs that indicate the existence of pathological attachment.
A friendship relationship can make a turn towards emotional dependence without either of the two people involved being aware of it. That is why it is important to stop and think about to what extent the habits in common, the ways of making decisions and the way in which conflicts between the two are managed are beneficial to both.
Here you will find a brief list of warning signs to help recognize emotional dependence in friendships. Keep in mind that not all of them have to be met to be in a case of a problematic relationship with a friend.
1. One of the persons renounces to make choices that affect both of you.
One of the problematic dynamics of friendships in which there is emotional dependence is that the person is in a submissive role. the person in a submissive role takes it for granted that he or she will not decide anything relevant to the relationship.. It is an idea that is internalized spontaneously and unconsciously or semi-consciously, without the need for it to be expressed.
2. One of the two people is afraid of the mere idea of conflict with the other person.
Conflict avoidance is one of the distinctive characteristics of those who have developed emotional dependence. It is a matter of not upsetting or angering the other person, which means always giving in and not being assertive in saying what is important and should be said.This means always giving in and not making use of correct assertiveness by saying what is important and should be said.
3. The search for validation occupies a good part of free time
The emotionally dependent person sacrifices a good part of his or her free time to make his or her friend feel good about the relationship.. Sometimes, even if that person is not present, they spend too much time making preparations "just in case".
4. The idea that the other person will break the friendship unilaterally terrifies one of the friends.
Emotional dependence is also expressed in situations in which anticipatory anxiety arises at the idea that the other person may decide to break with that friendship due to any setback. On the other hand, in healthy friendships, the fact that both parts make themselves respect acts as mechanism that contributes stability to the relation..
5. Insults or other types of aggressions are normalized
In some friendships, insults are used in the context of jokes and play between those with a similar sense of humor. However, in friendships in which there is emotional dependence, one of the parties may use real insults or other types of aggression, one of the parties may use real insults (because of their content and context) and the other sees it as something normal and to be expected..
6. It is normalized that this friendship generates conflicts with one's own family.
Because of all the problematic relationship elements that we have seen and that appear in friendships with emotional dependency, it is common for the fathers, mothers and siblings of the suffering party to get involved to try to change things, either by ending the friendship or making it change radically.
In these situations, the dependent person assumes "by default" that his or her family is not right, as they are not "inside" the family.In these situations, the dependent person assumes "by default" that his or her family is not right, not being "inside" that relationship and not understanding it, so that he or she takes the side of his or her friend in a systematic way.
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(Updated at Mar 28 / 2023)