7 keys to know if you want to be in a couple relationship or not.
Several guidelines and strategies to know if you are really interested in having that person as a partner.
Many people assume that starting a relationship is always something positive, but this is not always the case. In fact, there are many who participate in a love relationship of this type without practically considering whether they really want to do that.
Therefore, in this article we will take a brief look at some of the key ideas that help us to understand ourselves. key ideas that help you understand yourself and clarify what you are looking for in someone who is special to you..
7 key ideas to know if you really want to be in a couple relationship
What you will see below are guidelines that serve as a guide to reflect on whether you really want to be in a relationship if you really want to be in a couple relationship with someone in particular.. Keep in mind that, taken individually, these questions do not refute or confirm anything, but taken as a whole, they will give you an approximate picture of your motivations for considering such a relationship. The surest way to enhance your self-knowledge and find a way of living that fits your interests and values is to go to psychotherapy.
1. Do you feel that there is no turning back?
If you have the impression that the relationship you have with another person is already "too consolidated" to turn back, consider this a warning sign.
Although in some cases it may involve making major sacrifices, any relationship can be broken off by either person, and if you have been unaware of this for some time, you may have been acting out of pure pressure, not love.
Particularly damaging are cases in which a person considers him/herself to be the property of his/her partner.In fact, this kind of experience can be based on abusive dynamics (if both people see the relationship that way) that must be cut immediately.
2. What you like most about that person are your tastes in common?
If you notice that the raison d'être of the relationship you have with someone special to you can be summarized in that you have interests and hobbies in common, it is likely that you are confusing with love and desire to start a relationship what in reality is a beautiful friendship..
Remember that there is nothing wrong with being friends with someone who initially attracted you sexually or generated a romantic interest in you.
3. Does the idea of being single scare you?
Although the fear of singleness is a widespread phenomenon, it is still harmful. It is not a reason to start or maintain a relationship with someone, and in this sense, if you experience that kind of anxiety, the process that will lead you to feel good is to redefine your concept of yourself as a single person, the process that will lead you to feel good is to redefine your concept of happiness and a satisfactory life project..
4. Have you learned to associate that relationship with the loss of your freedom?
If when you think about the relationship you are in or that you are considering having, your attention is directed towards what you must sacrifice to stay in it, it is likely that this is not the option you really want.
5. Do you assume that frequent sex with someone leads to dating?
As much as there have been many changes in Western societies in recent decades, it cannot be denied that there are still several conservative cultural dynamics that influence the way we perceive relationships.
That is to say, although many things have changed, under this surface of apparent progress remain mental frameworks inherited from previous centuries, especially in relation to gender roles and the family..
With that in mind, it is not surprising that although we no longer see sex in the same way as we did 100 years ago, it is still linked to the idea of marriage; it used to be an incentive to get married, and now it is an introduction to the kind of relationships that, if "cemented," lead to the altar.. In other words, for many people it is the first stage of a type of affective bonding that goes through courtship and ends in marriage, so that if we do not go through these last two phases, it seems that the relationship is unsatisfactory and remains incomplete.
Taking into account this kind of prejudice is key to fully enjoy sexuality without guilt, and without giving rise to couple relationships with little future.
6. When you are with that person, do you notice that pity marks your behavior?
The love and the affection towards a person can adopt many forms, but not all of them are compatible with the project of life in common that a couple's relationship implies. If you notice that you are with that person largely because you feel sorry for him/her and want to help him/her, in reality what motivates you to be with him/her is not that kind of love. Among other things, because you do not consider this relationship as a symmetrical bond established between equals.
7. Do you feel anticipatory anxiety at the idea of him/her proposing to commit you more?
If from time to time you catch yourself imagining with fear what would happen if that person were to be "something more", it is most likely that a relationship is not going to work out.If you do, chances are that a relationship doesn't fit what you're looking for.
Are you interested in going to therapy?
If you want to start a process of individual or couple psychotherapy, I invite you to contact me to schedule a first session.
My name is Blanca Ruiz and I am a psychologist with more than a decade of professional experience in this field; I treat adults and adolescents with problems such as lack of self-esteem, mood disorders, relationship crises, family conflicts, Eating Disorders, work stress, and more.
(Updated at Mar 28 / 2023)