How does self-esteem influence the way we make friends?
This is how having more or less self-esteem affects the way we make friends.
Having many and good quality friendships positively influences our self-esteem, but it seems that this relationship is also bidirectional. That is, if we value ourselves very positively, we are more likely to have good friends.
The way in which self-esteem influences when making friends is very varied, although we can already say that if self-esteem is low, the friends we make will not last long or, in other cases, they will remain by our side only to take advantage of us.
Today we are going to find out how high and low self-esteem influences when it comes to making friends and which are the aspects that intervene in our friendship relationships that indicate that we value ourselves little.
- Related article, "Do you really know what self-esteem is?"
How does our level of self-esteem influence us when making new friends?
In an ideal relationship, both you and your friends know each other's value and treat each other with mutual respect and affection. Friends are a fundamental part of our lives, people who can provide us with comfort and support.
The relationship between friends and self-esteem is bidirectional.That is to say, having good friends improves our self-esteem and, also, valuing ourselves in a positive way makes us enjoy better friendships.
If we have self-esteem problems, it is likely that the quality of our friendships is not adequate. Just as the saying goes, "God raises them and they flock together", people with low self-esteem attract people with low self-esteem. people with low self-esteem attract others who also have the same problem.This leads to a relationship in which, instead of support, we find toxicity, reproaches, submission and dominance, and lack of respect. If no one values themselves, the less they will value others.
It can also happen that only one of the two friends has low self-esteem. Two things can happen here, one good and the other not so good.
It can happen that we are people with little appreciation for ourselves, but our friends do value us and help us to have a better vision of ourselves. But, sadly, it can happen that far from helping us and making us feel better, our "friends" take advantage of our insecurity and take advantage of us. and take advantage of us.
Signs of low self-esteem when making friends.
To understand how self-esteem influences making friends, let's start by looking at the signs of low self-esteem in friendships.
Self-esteem is a cognitive aspect but, like all our thoughts, they influence our emotions and, consequently, our behavior.. If we have negative thoughts, we are more likely to behave in a dysfunctional and maladaptive manner compared to what we do when we have positive thoughts.
Since self-esteem is synonymous with self-worth, self-respect and appreciation for who we are, our opinion of ourselves will strongly influence our mood and also our behavior, which will be evident when we try to make friends. If we value ourselves well, we will be more selective with friends, and if we value ourselves poorly, we will not be so selective..
Among the indicators that can be appreciated when trying to make friends that are directly related to having a low self-esteem we can find:
- Choosing friends who let you down, take advantage of you or make you feel bad.
- Constantly apologizing to your friends for wanting to do or say something.
- Believing you don't deserve better friends.
- Inability to accept compliments from others.
- Difficulty looking people in the eye when you talk to them.
- Assuming that everything said in conversation is an attack on you.
- Losing enthusiasm in making new friends.
- Negative attitude toward life
- Clingy and codependent attitude towards others.
- Inability to be alone, even if our friends hurt us.
1. Extreme dependence
Low self-esteem affects the way we interact with others. Each friendship has its natural pace of progress, requiring a different speed depending on the person you have met. There are boys and girls who become our best friends in a very short time, while others have a harder time, they need time and create a space of confidence and security to dare to take the step and use that word that for some sounds very strong: friend.
When you have a low self-esteem, the moment you meet someone new, you feel so insecure that you are afraid of losing the new friendship. To avoid this, the person with this self-esteem problem sticks like a limpet to his new friend, tries to spend a lot of time with him, almost without letting him escape. The problem is that if the other person starts to feel uncomfortable with this behavior, which is quite likely, he or she will run away. Codependency and clinginess are repellents of potential friends.
This extreme codependence when starting a relationship will end up becoming the deep fear of feeling rejection again, so intense that we will dread getting to know someone again. That is to say, tired of meeting people, meeting them for a while, scaring them and then feeling the bitter interpersonal rejection again, we will prefer not to go out in search of new friendships and we will not dare to try to make friends again.
2. Feeling that we do not deserve to have friends
Self-esteem problems can inhibit us from trying to make friends by believing that we are not worthy enough to have friends. If you think you do not deserve to have good friends, it is possible that when someone invites you to meet them for coffee or to go to their party, you may not be able to make friends with them, we refuse the invitation for the simple fact of thinking that we will end up boring him, he will not like us or he will simply see that we do not deserve to be by his side..
Insecurity, an emotion typical of low self-esteem, can be so intense that we even distrust the nicest, friendliest and most pleasant person in the world. We think it's too nice that someone could be interested in us, and we think they're either pulling our leg or just plain wrong. As a result, you end up giving up trying to meet new friends and reject any chance you are given to start a new friendship.
3. Low self-esteem and toxic relationships.
You should be careful with the types of friendships you make. You may be surrounded by people who are not going to do you any good, but you keep hanging out with them because you find it hard to find new friends.
If you think you don't deserve to have good friends, you're likely to end up hanging out with people who treat you badly, people who take advantage of you.. Because you don't think you can aspire to more, you let yourself be trampled on by those who claim to be your friends but who are actually your emotional abusers.
To escape this suffocating trap that is having toxic friendships, it is necessary to stop for a second and look objectively at the kind of friendships we have. Do your friends make you feel bad? Among the things that toxic "friends" do we have:
- They verbally abuse you, making fun of you and calling you disrespectful names.
- They constantly criticize you.
- They don't allow you to speak: they don't value your opinion or take your wishes into account.
- They only remember you when they need something.
- If you need something from them, they are simply not available.
To cope with this unfair situation, try to distance yourself from these types of people and look for others.. It will take you a while to make new friends, but it won't be too long, and in fact sooner or later you will end up surrounded by better friends, people who will feed your self-esteem with positive and motivating comments, valuing you as you are.
4. High self-esteem and friendly relationships
There are several characteristics that we can find in friendship relationships that are worthwhile. This type of relationship is nourished and consolidated thanks to the fact that the self-esteem of its members is not at rock bottom..
In case there is someone who has self-esteem problems, the other members of the group of friends support him, try to encourage him and make him see that there are many good things that make up his person.
In friendship relationships where its members have a good self-esteem we see:
- The relationship is based on mutual affection and respect.
- Rivalry is low and support is high.
- There are more positive than negative interactions.
- Disagreements do not jeopardize the relationship.
- Apologies are sincere and heartfelt on both sides.
Having high self-esteem also implies high esteem for others. Arrogance, conceit and self-centeredness are often mistaken as high self-esteem, but in reality it is not genuine self-esteem..
True self-esteem involves respecting and valuing oneself, but keeping in mind that we are not perfect or superior to others, that everyone has their strengths and weaknesses. People with truly high self-esteem make the people around them feel good too.
(Updated at Mar 28 / 2023)