How to get over a breakup by improving self-esteem
Let's look at how it is possible to move on after a breakup by boosting self-esteem.
Being able to turn the page after a breakup is much more than finding a way to reconcile with those memories left behind by the dating or marriage relationship.
And it is also more than re-integrating new ways of living and socializing as a single person into everyday life.
And beyond the importance of knowing how to adapt to singleness "outwardly", it is also necessary to do it inwardly, taking care to preserve a well-balanced self-esteem. This is especially important because, if this aspect is neglected, it is very easy to fall into behavioral dynamics that feed the feeling of loneliness and that it is impossible to adapt to the present.
Therefore, in this article we will look at how to get over a breakup through the improvement of our self-esteem.
What is self-esteem?
Let's start by defining self-esteem. This is the combination of the beliefs we hold about who we are and what we are capable of, on the one hand, and our assessment of how we feel about it, on the other.on the other. In other words, self-esteem includes both verbalizable and emotional elements.
In this sense, when our assessment of ourselves is very pessimistic, we have a low self-esteem, and when it corresponds more or less with reality, we have a good level of self-esteem.
As this set of beliefs and emotions relates to virtually everything we do in our day-to-day lives (after all, the concept of "I" is at the core of many of our thoughts), self-esteem has an effect on all areas of life.. And of course, one of them is life as a couple or, by opposition, singleness.
How improving self-esteem allows you to overcome a breakup.
Let's look at the process of turning the page after a breakup by improving self-esteem.
1. It allows you to trust in your own ability to be happy independently.
There are many people who define happiness as something that depends on having or not having a relationship. That is to say, that they adhere to the idea of "I am happy because I am with someone", as if the way to happiness is to be with someone else.as if the road to happiness must necessarily involve being in a relationship based on romantic love.
However, assuming this is a mistake; it is important to understand happiness as one's own responsibility. Everyone must work on what makes them happy and then decide to share it with their partner. And this is also reflected in how to manage an emotional crisis triggered by a breakup.
In this regard, it should be noted that to be happy it is important to feel able to reach a way of life capable of providing satisfaction with what you do on a day-to-day basis.And with low self-esteem it is very difficult for this to happen.
Those who feel bad with their own identity are able to recognize that their way of life does not satisfy them, but they do not see sense to change their situation, because they do not see themselves capable of it or, directly, they assume that they are predestined to unhappiness.
2. It helps to overcome feelings of guilt
After a rupture of couple it is common to experience intense feelings of guilt.. This is because the unpleasantness of the experience predisposes people to focus their attention on memories of actions they did that at the time could anticipate the outcome of that relationship.
These kinds of recalled or partially imagined images may appear again and again in the person's mind, in the form of intrusive thoughts.
But boosting self-esteem helps not to focus only on the feeling of guilt, and to transform this discomfort into motivation to learn from mistakes.. This orientation towards goals to be achieved makes us move from an obsessive tendency to fixate on the past to focus on the future and the good things it can bring.
3. It is reflected in social skills
After a breakup, there is a risk of entering a lifestyle characterized by social isolation, by not replacing the time previously spent with a partner with more time to socialize with other people after returning to singleness. And when added to this is the fact of having low self-esteem, the likelihood of not daring to meet new people or get in touch with old friends is increased..
For that reason, to reinforce the self-esteem helps to manage better in those relatively complex situations of enriching one's social life, without being completely intimidated by the new sensations that this supposes.
Do you want to start a psychotherapy or coaching process?
If you want to count on psychological support, we invite you to contact our team of professionals at UPAD Psychology and Coachingfrom where we attend in person and online by video call.
We intervene in the areas of individualized psychotherapy, couple therapy, sexology, coaching, and sports psychology.
(Updated at Mar 28 / 2023)