How to overcome the fear of being single: 4 practical tips
How to deal with the fear of not having a partner? Let's look at emotional management strategies to achieve it.
Having a partner is all very well, but there are those who overvalue having a boyfriend or husband and consider that the opposite state, that of being single, is the worst thing in the world.
There is even the popular idea that a person over 30 years old who has not found a partner has a problem, or even that he or she has failed in life.
Due to social pressure and the glorification of being in a couple, many people have developed a real pathological fear of being single. Their fear is so great that they go out of their way to date, even if it means getting trapped in a toxic relationship.
Knowing how to overcome the fear of being single is a very good way to gain mental health.We are a step forward in our development as people, as individuals who are worthwhile in their own right. Let's find out more about how to achieve it.
Characteristics of the fear of being single
Many people dream of having a partner, something considered by many as a basic need. Proof of this is that there are single people who are desperately looking for someone to go out with, not because they feel that singleness is synonymous with failure, that they are worthless without a partner.
Because of this belief, once they manage to have a boyfriend or girlfriend, they do everything they can to keep the relationship. they do everything they can to keep the relationship, even if it hurts them.. The fear of being single is very intense in many people's lives, causing them to behave in unhealthy ways.
This goes without saying, but it is a good thing to keep in mind. Not having a partner is not a bad thing in itself. The idea that we need the other half is a myth: we are already a whole orange, with a lot of juice and worth a lot. Singleness is a moment that far from being interpreted as being alone in this life and that no one loves us is, in fact, an opportunity to know ourselves better and to get to know each other better, an opportunity to get to know ourselves better and a very rewarding stage of life..
But, in spite of this obviousness, many people still fear being single as if it were very bad for our health. Why does this fear of being single appear? What causes it? We are going to talk about it a few lines further on.
Why does the fear of being single arise?
Although in recent decades society has become increasingly aware that we do not need to be with another person to be happy, the truth is that the idea of romantic love continues to have a huge influence on the collective imagination. Proof of this is that many people believe that, in fact, having a partner is what gives meaning to our lives, to everyone's life.
The media and society are to blame for this belief. We see it in movies, in songs, in novels... the idea of romantic love is even introduced to us in children's movies (those of a certain industry with a mouse are a very clear example). They sell us that, when everything goes wrong, we just need to find a partner and magically all our problems will be solved..
It sounds nice, but you have to be very naive to believe that this is how the world really works. This message is very wrong, but it still has a notorious persuasive power.
After all, it is seen as much easier to get a partner than it is to get down to the work of changing the course of our lives and solving our problems.. Many people still believe that having a boyfriend or girlfriend is the panacea that will solve all our problems. They believe that having a partner intrinsically brings happiness, gives meaning to their lives.
Unfortunately, happiness is not going to come by itself if we start dating.. We will only be happier by dating if our individual lives were fine before we started dating. Happiness does not come from the outside, nor does it come from someone else, it comes from within and from the relationship we have with ourselves, although external factors can also influence it.
But basically, at least in most cases, who is responsible for our happiness is ourselves.
People who find a partner when they are unhappy with themselves and their family environment usually end up in a relationship that does not satisfy them at all, and may even get trapped in a toxic relationship.They can even get trapped in a toxic relationship. Precisely one of the main problems of this type of relationship is the fear of remaining single. In fact, this fear of being single has been given a name: anuptaphobia, which is basically the irrational, persistent and unjustified fear of being single forever and includes symptoms of anxiety, obsessions and depression.
People with this fear are constantly searching for the meaning of life in love. It is for this reason that they are unable to end a relationship with another person in which they are deeply unhappy.because they believe that by breaking up they would end up losing.
We live in a society in which if you are over 30 years old and single, or even younger, we think almost immediately "you must have a problem", a problem especially experienced by women to whom it seems that many give the sole purpose of reproducing.
The old idea that those who are not in a couple and have children have failed in life is still very well established.. We have it so much in our mind that there are those who cannot conceive the idea of being happy in solitude.
How to overcome the fear of being single?
It may surprise many, but the truth is that single people tend to be happier than those who are in a toxic relationship, and as the wise proverb says "it is better to be alone than in bad company".
Our life goal should not be to be with someone at all costs, but rather, should the occasion arise, to find someone and focus on building a good relationship. In the meantime, the ideal is to learn to be alone and enjoy the many freedoms that singleness brings.
Focusing on finding good relationships and valuing singleness are the two best ways to manage the fear of being single. They also tend to reinforce each other.
One of the secrets of a good relationship is not needing our partner to make us happy.. This does not mean that we do not want to be with that special person in our lives, but that we are aware that we can survive without the other person. The best love is the one in which both are free, value each other, respect each other and know how to live on their own without feeling that they are leaving the person they love aside.
To overcome the fear of being single it is necessary to take into consideration the following keys:
1. Improve your self-esteem
Valuing how we really are and being at ease with ourselves helps us not to depend on other people to feel good.. Like everyone in this world, we have our strengths, even if we are not aware of them. By discovering them we will see how much we are worth without needing other people. Whether we have a partner or not, those strengths will still be there.
Identify negative beliefs about singleness.
As we said, many people see singleness as a personal failure. It is believed that if you are alone, it is because you do not know how to be with other people or because others do not find you attractive.. These and many other negative beliefs may be behind our fear of being single.
We must identify them and really assess whether they are right or wrong, and how bad they make us think singleness is. Relationships do not necessarily have to be positive or mean success in life, just as singleness does not mean just the opposite. Everything in life is relative, with its pros and cons, and seeing only the seemingly bad in a situation is what can provoke an intense fear of it.
3. Sharing time with other people
Many people tend to associate loneliness with the fact of not having a partner, despite being able to have a healthy and extensive social life with a lot of friends. It is important to dedicate part of our time to interact with friends, family and significant others, whether we have a partner or not.whether or not we have a partner. It is also highly recommended to meet new people with whom to establish a friendship.
4. Solving one's own problems
We have mentioned before that many people see having a partner as a panacea to solve their personal problems. The reality is that, if you are bad with yourself, dating someone else will only make you bad with yourself and with someone else. The only way to have a good relationship with our partner is to solve our own problems, either on our own or with someone else.either on our own or with the help of a psychologist.
(Updated at Mar 28 / 2023)