Why dont my relationships last? 11 possible causes
These are the factors that are often behind the instability in relationships.
There are many causes that precipitate the rupture in a couple relationship, because if each person is a world, with love relationships the number of variables involved is even greater.
However, in practice it has been observed that there are a series of psychological factors and behavioral phenomena that are more capable than the rest of the factors in wearing down love relationships. In fact, among the people who come to psychotherapy complaining because they do not manage to maintain medium and long term relationships, there are certain patterns that are repeated over and over again. Let's see what they are so that, in this way, it will be easier to answer the question: "why do dating relationships last so little for me?".
Possible reasons why relationships don't last.
No one is born learned, and when it comes to relationships, most of us need to "take note" of what works and what doesn't from experience. That's not a bad thing, but a sign that any deep emotional bond is complex and cannot be approached from the mindset of reading an instruction manual on love..
There are, however, certain elements that over time are capable of putting an end to the courtship and that are sometimes difficult to detect and identify as triggers of crisis. It should be noted that these causes can overlap and occur at the same time in the same couple, and on the other hand, none of them implies that the relationship is destined to fail. Having said that, let's see what are these frequent causes of relationship dissolution.
1. Very different personalities
Personality is a very influential factor in the duration of love relationships, as are common interests or not, shared needs or converging life goals.as are common interests or not, shared needs or converging life goals.
Beyond the myth that "opposites attract" in love, reality proves rather the opposite. The more similar the partners are in their personalities, i.e. how they are, the way they live their lives or interpret and deal with the vicissitudes of their environment, the more likely they are to remain a couple for a long time.
Conversely, two people whose personalities clash head-on on a recurring basis are somewhat more likely to last less time together.
- You may be interested in, "Do polar opposites really attract?"
2. Fundamental disagreements about future plans.
Another factor that can be decisive in making a relationship work or not are shared aspirations for the futurethat is to say, the plans that any person has with respect to his or her future.
As in the previous case, people with common hobbies or activities and compatible plans between the two partners tend to have an easier time in love.
The long-term plans of a person are a very important aspect in the life of a person, they constitute the compass or the map on which they build their lives, and that is why sometimes it is essential to find someone who is not incompatible with those expectations.
3. Different conceptions of commitment
Some relationships fail when both partners have different or opposing conceptions of what it means to commit to a relationship.
Not everyone has the same idea of what a healthy and stable relationship should look like, so disagreements or disagreements about the direction of the relationship can often arise.This can often lead to disagreements or disagreements about the direction to take in a relationship with another person.
In this section, it is worth mentioning the commitment, one of the main factors that can endanger the survival of the relationship when there is a lack of it in one of the partners.
4. Great differences in the level of libido
Differences in libido or sexual desire also play a role in the success or failure of a relationship.. In fact, many people, both men and women, consider it to be one of the most crucial elements of life as a couple.
Like any factor present in the coexistence of a relationship, sex has to do with consensus, affection, attraction, concern for the other person and in general healthy and authentic communication.
If any of these elements fail, it is likely that the relationship's days are numbered.
5. Poor management of arguments
Resilient couples are those who know how to properly manage a discussion or several recurring discussions; this is undoubtedly another essential element to achieve a lasting relationship, because it avoids unnecessary fights and moments of great discomfort..
There are many ways to incorrectly manage an argument, and among the classic ones are: taking any discussion as a fight of egos, and not as a way to bring positions closer or negotiate; not listening to the other person and being aware only of sharing one's own message; being constantly defensive or personally discrediting the other member of the couple.
6. Communication and understanding
Most of us have read or heard on countless occasions that the basis of a good relationship is communication.
In this regard, it should also be noted that understanding is just as important, since communication but without any subsequent understanding will be totally unsuccessful for the future of the relationship. for the future of the relationship.
Listening to the other person, being able to express one's own feelings and knowing how to recognize the other person's needs will be essential factors for the future of a healthy couple relationship.
7. Problems of conciliation
The difficulties that can arise on a daily basis between work and life as a couple are the order of the day in modern societies.
The ever-increasing demands of the labor market and the hectic pace of work are a constant for many people who end up witnessing how their work life ends up defeating their work life. their work life ends up defeating their love life or relationship life. or their love life.
8. Addiction problems
Addiction problems end up destroying not only the person's own health but also his or her social, family and emotional relationships.
That is why when there is an addiction of any kind and professional help is not sought, it is likely that the affected person will end up losing his or her relationship with his or her partner.. This happens because people with untreated addictions reach a point where they seek only and exclusively to satisfy their addictive disorder without taking into account anything else that happens around them.
9. Unwanted relationship
Some people start their relationship without really wanting it, simply because of issues such as social pressure or some kind of interest unrelated to true attraction or falling in love.
In these cases the relationship is born with very few probabilities of being long-lasting, since sooner or later it will be discovered that the relationship is not a true attraction.Sooner or later the true motivations that the person had at the beginning of the relationship will be discovered.
The routine is another of the classic elements within the factors that can precipitate the end of a couple relationship and is something that many couples have had to face as a litmus test to succeed in the future.
Once the initial phase of infatuation or idyll, in which everything seems perfect and both partners believe that their relationship will last forever, is over, there is often a cooling off point, often comes to a point of cooling off, which has to do with routine and the recurrent practice of various habits.
The survival of the relationship will depend on the different tools that each of its members may have to overcome the routine, the cooling or the decrease of passion of the first phases of the relationship.
Some people consider that infidelities in a relationship can be insurmountable potholes that will inevitably precipitate each of its members towards its end.
But it is also true that part of the couples manage to overcome some case of infidelity.This is again due to the ability of one or both partners to strengthen their relationship and to find an element on which to support each other in order to move the relationship forward again. Of course, going to couple therapy also helps a lot to overcome this kind of couple crisis due to infidelity.
Are you looking for professional psychological support?
If you want to have psychological assistance through individualized therapy or couple therapy, please contact me.
My name is Javier Aresand I specialize in emotional problems and those related to love and affective relationships. I offer face-to-face and online sessions by video call.
(Updated at Mar 28 / 2023)