70 sarcastic quotes from the best thinkers, humorists and philosophers.

Sarcastic famous quotes that find a twist on different issues in life.

Life is not always a bed of roses and things are not always going to go our way.Sometimes we may run into someone who doesn't like us, or someone may run into us, and for some reason, we don't fit in.

Sometimes sarcastic phrases are a good way to say things that may hurt in a roundabout way and in a smarter and funnier way.

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Great sarcastic quotes for life

Sarcasms often use clichés to make jokes, so no one should be offended by some of these quotes. Humor is a form of communication in which there is room for transgression..

In the following lines you will find a list of sarcastic and biting phrases that you may find amusing.

1. Some people smoke, others get drunk, some take drugs, and others fall in love. The truth is that everyone destroys themselves in their own way.

Love can sometimes end in falling out of love, which can cause health problems just like drugs.

2. Sometimes I need what only you can give me: your absence (Ashleigh Brillian)

If you say this to someone, don't expect an overly kind reaction.

3. I don't hold grudges, but I have a good memory.

One can try not to hold a grudge, but the memory sometimes can't be controlled.

4. I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it without dying (Woody Allen)

Poor Woody prefers to be able to share in his successes.

5. Your Heart is as busy as the line on your phone.

In reference to someone who is in love with another person.

6. Watch out! Happiness for two, envy for thousands.

When things go well for you, there will always be those who wish you ill.

7. Sometimes I think about who will fall into your arms and I don't know whether to laugh or to feel pity.

When someone leaves you and blames you, but in reality the guilty person is the other person.

8. I find television very educational. Every time someone turns it on, I go into another room and read a book (Groucho Marx).

One of the most celebrated sarcastic quotes.

9. Happy are those who expect nothing, because they will never be disappointed.

Those who live in the moment have a better chance of being happy.

10. I wanted to ask you for the number of your exes to form a kind of support group.

An ironic quote that may annoy the one who is told it.

11. History has taught us that man and nations behave wisely when they have exhausted all alternatives. (Abba Eban)

Irony in the face of the prevailing political warmongering.

12. Breed memories and they will bring tears to your eyes

The past must be forgotten because it can hinder one's happiness.

13. I looked you up in the dictionary... and you don't mean a thing

For those people who have hurt us.

14. Why should we take sexual advice from the pope? If he knows anything about sex, he shouldn't! (George Bernard Shaw)

He would have violated the law of celibacy.

15. I said 'bring me anything you want'... and he only brought me lies (Ray Charles).

In reference to a lying person.

16. Love now, pay later

Heartbreak is one of the most painful experiences a human being can go through.

17.So many times you let me fall, that I learned to fly

When your partner lets you down many times, you eventually come to terms with it.

18. There are three things that always come out: the Sun, the Moon and the truth.

The truth can be hidden for a while, but not infinitely.

19. Women are like dolphins: it has been scientifically proven that they are too intelligent, but few understand them.

An ironic quote about a sexist cliché and the complex relationship that men and women can have,

20. Can you help me look for something? -What is it? -All the time I wasted with you

Ideal for those relationships that didn't end badly.

21. Love is the child of illusion and the father of disillusion (James Scott)

Love is a feeling that floods us and makes us feel really good.

22. You are a perfect artifact of defects

A play on words that contains a touch of irony.

23. The problem is that people know too little, but talk too much (Kurt Smith)

Ignorance often makes us think we know more than we do.

24. I am an expert at pretending that other people's opinions matter to me.

There are individuals who know how to act very well when they are surrounded by other people.

25. If this is love, I'd rather watch TV, it's more educational and less possessive.

Love can sometimes be unrequited and cause great pain.

26. Many people decide to spend a fortune on their weddings because, in some cases, it is the last day of happiness in their lives.

An irony about life as a couple and marriage.

27. If you think you are the last Coke in the desert, I like beer.

Meaning that being the last person in the universe, you would have nothing to do with that person.

28. No one has dominion over love, but it dominates things

Love occupies our life when it comes, because it is a very intense feeling.

29. Sorry, I thought it was the love of my life.... Next!

When you run out of patience with someone you've been with.

30. If someone cheats on you, you'll want to jump off the balcony, but remember, you have horns, not wings (Woody Allen).

An ironic quote about infidelity.

31. I'm responsible for what I say, not that you understand it (Bob Marley)

We can send a clear message, but if the other person does not interpret it as we wish, then there is nothing we can do.

32. Love is like war: easy to start, hard to end.

A comparison of couple relationships with war conflicts.33. She thinks she is a princess and does not know in which bed she left the crown.

In relation to a woman who thinks that the world revolves around her.

34. Sexual inactivity is dangerous... It produces horns! (Will Smith)

Lack of sex in a couple can lead to infidelity.

35. Saying goodbye to you was as hard as writing this sentence.

Meaning that, in reality, it didn't cost you anything to separate from that person.

36. Your eternity only lasted a couple of months.

In relation to a relationship that didn't work out.

37. Someday I will start what I finished

A phrase that talks about procrastination and leaving things for tomorrow.

38. Dear Cupid, better aim next time, let's see if you hit the right one.

An irony about an unrequited love or a love that didn't work out.

39. If love is blind... Why are underwear so popular? (John Goodman)

A funny reflection on sexuality and intimate relationships.

40. Can't Forget the Queen, Playing Checkers

For those men who can't get a woman they have loved out of their minds.

41. There are many ways to invoke the devil: by means of a Ouija board, a prayer, an exorcism, or by asking "are you angry my love?" (Andreu Buenafuente)

When a couple ends badly, there is not exactly love left between the members.

42. I hated you as much as I loved you

It may happen that the more you love, the more you reject that person.

43. It is impolite to say "I love you" with a mouth full of lies.

For those people who have serious difficulties not to lie.

44. Be careful, one of these days you will call my heart and it will be busy.

A warning that you won't be waiting for that person forever.

45. If you're not going to deliver, don't make any illusions or promises.

It is painful when a person tells you what you want to hear but then doesn't deliver.

46. One day you'll realize that your kids turned out ugly and you'll wonder why you didn't marry me (Jon Lajoie)

A message with irony that you are in love with that person.

47. A piece of advice: in the future, try to be less intelligent... sorry: obvious.

When someone wants to hide something but doesn't succeed.

48. Love is blind, let it pass

A comparison of the saying "love is blind" with real blindness.

49. If you don't like the way I am, change yourself

A way of telling the other person that you are comfortable with who you are.

50. Women who are lucky with men don't know how lucky they are.

Some relationships are very complicated.

51. I used to cross the ocean for you, today I don't even cross my fingers (Dave Hughes)

There are people who, with time, disillusion us.

52. It's incredible how many problems I could solve with a chainsaw.

An irony that can appear in moments of interpersonal conflicts.

53. Tomorrow I will take your opinion into account, today I am not interested in it.

When you know you are right but the other person doesn't want to see it.

54. I don't understand people who are happy and still don't know me, I really don't understand them.

An irony that is typical of a narcissistic person.

55. There are people who, from the first moment you see them, you know you want to spend the rest of your life... without seeing them again.

When you don't like someone and you prefer to keep that person away from your life.

56. Tell me, does your pride kiss better than me?

This phrase can be said when the person has full confidence in the way he/she kisses.

57. We are all jerks sometimes, but some people make it a way of life. You, for example

A polite way to tell someone that their attitude is not the most appropriate.

58. You are living proof that a man can live without brains.

As in the previous sentence, a very polite way to tell someone that they're not exactly smart.

59. Expect from me, what I get from you

Not one of the most sarcastic phrases on this list, but well used it can be useful.

60. It's all laughter, sex and fun until he asks you... what are we?

There are people who simply don't want to have anything serious with anyone.

61. I googled: "Infidelity" and guess what... I got your name.

A funny way to tell someone who is unfaithful to the core.

62. The world's most effective laxative is called "we need to talk" (Dave Chapelle).

The phrase "we need to talk" can be a cause for concern for people who are hiding something.

63. Criticizing my faults won't diminish yours (Jack Black)

There are individuals who prefer to project their failures onto others.

64. My tears are 1% water and 99% your bullshit.

When the person who makes you cry is immature and it's their fault.

65. Don't worry about what I have, do it for what you lack.

To free interpretation.

66. The problem with being sarcastic is that sometimes people reject me, and because I care so much about their opinion, I get very sad.

An irony to tell the world that you're not going to cry no matter what they say.

67. No, seriously, keep telling me your story. In fact, yawning is my favorite way to show how much I'm interested in hearing from you.

For when someone bores you and you don't want to hurt their feelings.

68. You were the best part of my worst mistake

We don't always find the right person for love, but you learn from everything.

69. It turns out that your opinions don't work, you better use mine.

When the opinion of others is not good, this phrase can be used.

70. What would life be without the opportunity to make stupid decisions (Doctor House)

A good way to look at life with optimism and not feel like a failure in the face of mistakes.