Activating self-love: tips to enhance it.
Several psychological keys to activate self-love through daily habits.
Self-love shows the relationship you have with yourself.. It includes, therefore, the degree to which you like yourself, to what extent you reward yourself, trust in your abilities and accept yourself as a person.
Loving yourself or having self-esteem goes beyond good self-esteem. When you have self-esteem, you reach a balance between your emotional state and your self-esteem.
The importance of self-love
Ask yourself for a moment: are you your friend or your enemy? Do you treat your friends or partner the same way you treat yourself? Do you suffer from any psychological problems such as anxiety, depression or emotional dependency?
Unfortunately, the lack of self-esteem is a common evil in our days.. There are all kinds of psychological problems in all ages, and when this self-love is totally absent, it is common for suicidal thoughts to appear. This makes us see the great importance of loving ourselves, treating ourselves with the affection and respect with which we would treat a good friend, even more so if we are going through a bad time.
The good news is that it is not an irremediable problem, and the lack of self-esteem has a solution. lack of self-esteem has a solution. Below, I offer a series of tips for not boycotting it, but rather activating it.
5 ways of self-boycott
Let's look first, several processes through which you get to worsen your self-love.
1. Self-punishment and emotional dependence
When you love yourself, learn from your mistakes and encourage yourself to continue, you do not whip yourself with a whip blaming and torturing yourself for how much you have made a mistake. That will not make you learn more, but will destroy you little by little. If you make a mistake, at least you have tried, you are brave.
It is just as important to make mistakes as it is to celebrate your successes and be proud of yourself.I recommend you not to fall into the error of relying on others for positive feedback, but to be proud of yourself. I recommend you not to fall into the error of depending on others for positive feedback, but to see it as an extra to your own self-recognition. Take charge of yourself and not put that responsibility entirely on others.
2. Self-criticism and complaining
When you love yourself, you speak to yourself with a kind tone and when you criticize yourself, you do it with a kind tone. when you criticize yourself, you do it constructively and not destructively.. We can't avoid going through situations we don't like or difficulties, but we can change the way we react to them.
I recommend you to accept the situation and think about what a good friend would tell you about what you think you have done wrong. Also, become aware of how you talk to yourself so as not to give rise to self-insulting, constant complaining and that torturing voice that may be in you.
When you love yourself, you pay attention to know yourself, with curiosity and patience, and you have a vision of how far you think you can go, setting goals that you believe are in line with your ability.
This does not mean that you always get it right, but if you have difficulties, you learn from the mistake and readjust your goal. You try and live moments that can enrich your life, without running real danger. Remember that confidence makes the master. If you distrust yourself, it is likely that you are focused on the error and consequently, you are running away from goals that you can achieve.
4. Comparison with others
We have qualities that define us and we use them to describe our physique, our personality and our behavior. When you love yourself, you accept their qualities and are free of those cultural and subjective standards, such as beauty. You know that each person is different, no better, no worse. What you are looking for is to feel good about yourself, because everyone has their own rhythms and attributes that make them who they are.
If you frequently compare yourself with others, either to come out on top or to come out on the losing end, you are likely to feel like you are riding a roller coaster depending on what those around you are like or what fashion dictates.
5. Narcissism and hatred
Contrary to popular belief, love has limits, both to oneself and to others.. There must be a balance between what you love yourself and what you love others. When there is an imbalance due to an excess of self-love and a deficit of love for others, narcissism and hatred arise.
The person with narcissism believes he/she is superior or better than others (egolatry), thinks he/she has more rights than others (selfishness) and believes that everything revolves around him/her (egocentrism). When you love yourself, you end up moving away from people with narcissism, looking for generosity, assertiveness and reciprocity.
3 steps to love yourself and keep it active
Now that we know what may be affecting your lack of self-esteem, let's see what steps to take to improve it on a daily basis.
1. Have a good time
Maybe you are already having some and they are going unnoticed, so it is important that you pay attention. I recommend starting with something simple. Examples might include listening to a song you like, singing and dancing (however you do it), savoring a meal, or taking a relaxing bath. Remember that just as you treat others well, you also deserve to treat yourself well..
2. Savor that pleasant moment
One idea is to give it a duration of at least one minute and focus all your senses on the time you enjoy.
3. Remember that pleasant moment
You can keep it in your memory, share it with friends or even write it down.. I invite you to make a note with each experience, achievement, strength or moment of splendor, and keep them in what will be "the jar of good memories". This way you will be able to continue discovering your path to happiness.
Author: Belén González García, Health Psychologist and member of the Mentavio team. Psychologist by the Complutense University of Madrid, with health habilitation and member M-28477, Expert in Brief Strategic Psychotherapy Therapy in the Palo Alto Pathway and with a Master in Eating Disorders and Obesity by the UEM.
(Updated at Mar 28 / 2023)