Couples therapy: a solution for living together
A reflection on the philosophy underlying couples therapy.
All couples go through difficult moments in which it is difficult to maintain a pleasant routine.. In some cases, disagreements begin to arise that cause discomfort and unhappiness and are often followed by responses of abandonment or a desire to end the relationship.
Usually the relationship ends definitively when one of the partners so decides. It is important, therefore, to be aware of the first symptoms that reveal that something is not going as it should, before it is too late.
Couples therapy as a search for solutions
Courage is essential when seeking solutions to recover what was once so important and special between the couple. But on the other hand, although the saying "Two do not fight if one does not want to" is true, this does not mean admitting and submitting to everything that the other thinks or decides.
Couple problems revert in jealousy, suspicions, sadness, anxiety, lack of trust, lack of communication? We feel the threat of an unwanted loneliness, the fear of abandonment of the one we love so much. of the one we love so much. We are also surprised by impotence.
Abandoning a partner at the first moment of change, when conflicts arise, is almost never a good solution, except in cases of toxic relationships. When we leave, we think that our conflicts will be solved, but often the abandonments only feed back our comfort, our lack of maturity and our lack of commitment. The flight forward becomes a disastrous solution..
The importance of getting involved in the relationship
Pressure" is an aspect to consider in our life. We will almost always find ourselves in contexts where decision making is accompanied by "pressure" of any kind. In these cases we must be aware so that the "pressure" does not lead us to a wrong decision.
Let us think for a moment of R. Tagore's dictum:
- Cultivate a thought and you will reap an action.
- Cultivate an action and you will reap a habit.
- Cultivate a habit and you will reap a character.
- Cultivate a character and you will reap a destiny.
This syllogism leads us to the conclusion that our thoughts are at the basis of our destiny. Therefore, it will be convenient to change behaviors and attitudes through our change of perspective, our change of "mind", in order to change our circumstances and destiny. And also, to build our character.
This, contrary to what is usually thought, is not something we bring from the womb. While it is true that we have genetic predispositions of temperament, we are responsible for creating what we decide to be, since we are not impervious to the environment, culture and social environment where we are formed. How many times have we heard "that's just the way I am"? And that statement becomes the perfect excuse that justifies our comfort and passivity in our change..
Assume that we must not cling to what is comfortable.
I am convinced that perseverance is the key to success. Thomas Edison, the American scientist, before designing the electric light bulb, had to try more than a thousand attempts. When we have built something worthwhile, it is unwise to give in or succumb to the instinct of comfort and the easy life. (I say, as long as they are not feeding toxic relationships or all those that do not help us to grow, to give and receive in a healthy way, or that directly override or subjugate us).
While it is true that we are immersed in the culture of immediacy, where patience is an absent good, we are responsible, protagonists and architects of our lives and relationships.. The moment of difficulty is a good opportunity to look at ourselves and identify which are the values that are moving us personally and in the relationship.
A good question to ask in this scenario is: do I love you because I need you, or do I need you because I love you? Same words with different meanings.
In this context, and under the will of both partners, couple therapy is proposed. An effective solution to relearn to live happily together. The therapy will become our point of reference to report the experiences lived between both of us through the pacts agreed upon in the sessions. The five pillars to work on will be based on love, communication, illusion, trust and respect.. The condition "se ne qua non" is the identification of both of the problem and the desire to solve it.
Normally, when these conditions are met, success is almost assured. Although, although it is true, it will depend on the degree of implication of both in the resolution of the problem.
During the treatment, most couples will become aware of whether their differences can be resolved or whether they ultimately turn out to be incompatible.. Restoration is POSSIBLE.
(Updated at Apr 12 / 2024)