Doubts before marriage: why do they appear, and what to do?

Doubts before marriage and anxiety due to uncertainty are frequent. What to do?

Having doubts before marriage is a phenomenon more normal than we think.

In this article we will see what are the possible causes of this psychological state of anxiety and uncertainty, and what we can do to manage it.

Why do doubts arise before marriage?

It is true that in the couple relationships in which a wedding is planned, fidelity is above all a priority, but having nerves and questions in the weeks leading up to the wedding are part of the need to is part of the need to think about everything involved in changing your lifestyle.

The implications of being someone's husband or wife go beyond the realm of love: it means changing one's marital status before the State, making longer-term plans, being perceived by others as a person who devotes time to his or her family, and in many cases experiencing the added pressure of having children.

In short, there are several reasons why premarital hesitation may arise.. Let's see which are the most common ones.

1. Uncertainty about living together

In many cases, getting married means consolidating a lifestyle in which we live together with our partner on a daily basis, for many months in a row without interruption. This can be problematic for some people who are used to seeing their partner on a more intermittent basis..

In this way, the wedding acts as a symbolic beginning of a period of life in which the other person will always be there. And that means adapting to another life phase, which is a challenge.

2. Social pressure not to break up

Doubts before marriage are also a response to the a response to the social pressure experienced once the altar has been walked down the aisle.The social pressure to stay married: fundamentally, married people's environment expects them not to divorce or separate.

Although divorce is a legal possibility, this does not imply that being divorced or not being divorced is the same in the eyes of others; in the best cases such a separation generates disappointment and sadness in others, and in the worst cases, it also produces stigmatization.

For this reason, many people who are getting married are not only thinking about their relationship with their spouse, but also about their relationship with their spouse. are not only thinking about their relationship with the person they loveThey also think about the possible impact that a divorce or separation would have on their family and circle of friends.

3. Doubts about readiness

Both future wives and future husbands often wonder if they are ready to get married, in a broad sense that does not only have to do with living together with the other person on a daily basis. Married life is glorified to such an extent that it acquires an almost mystical status, as if only those who have undergone certain experiences and reflections can attempt to enter this phase of life.

This is partly true, but the importance of prior experience cannot be overstated; in many respects, one learns to be married as one goes along.

4. Premonitory thoughts

Because of that idealization of marriage that we saw earlier, some people fear the premonitory moments that may signal a marriage. premonitory moments that may signal that the married relationship has no future..

Since becoming married is seen as something very important, it is very easy for many people to relate the idea of the future wedding with other events that happen to them, so that they interpret seemingly banal situations as premonitions that getting married would be a mistake. And this, of course, generates doubts before the marriage.

5. The opportunity cost

Being married predisposes us not to be seduced by other people in a romantic or sexual sense, if we follow a traditional monogamous model. This means that getting married has an opportunity cost; while you are with that person, you lose opportunities to meet other potential lovers or even potential husbands and wives, as time goes by.

And, sometimes, the doubt that unleashes this idea is: "Do I know for sure that my partner is the best thing that can happen to me?". Not having a lot of experience having boyfriends or girlfriends predisposes you to ask yourself this question.

What to do to manage premarital doubts?

Here are some tips on what you can do to avoid letting premarital doubts work against your psychological well-being.

1. Take some time and think

This is the first and most important step. situations in which you can reflect calmlyParks and natural places are especially recommended.

2. Classify your motives

The second tip about what to do when faced with doubts before the wedding has to do with sort out your ideasWhat are the causes of these doubts: do they all point in one direction, or in several?

For example, it is not the same to ask yourself questions about whether you are ready to get married as it is to ask yourself questions about whether the other person is the right one. The latter has much more depth.

3. Avoid Manichean thinking

It is necessary to avoid judging our thoughts and ideas in a very rigid moral way; in a person there can be thoughts that are partly contradictory to each other, and that is normal.

4. Consider whether you are doing everything out of inertia.

Do you really want to get married, or is it all because you have given in to pressure from others? If it's the latter, it doesn't have to mean the end of a relationship.. Not only is it legitimate to postpone getting married, it is not even obligatory to get married to show love.

5. Ask yourself if you have done something that implies infidelity.

In relationships, infidelities are signs that there are conflicts to be resolved, or a lack of commitment to the relationship that cannot be covered by more layers of apparent commitment (in this case, a wedding). In the face of infidelities, it is necessary to reformulate the relationship, and in many cases it is advisable to in many cases it is advisable to attend couple's therapy..

6. Discard magical thinking

Premonitory thoughts should be rejected outright; they are simply wishful thinking fueled by anxiety. Keeping this in mind is very important.

Bibliographical references:

• Gu R., Huang Y.X., Luo Y.J. (2010). "Anxiety and feedback negativity". Psychophysiology. 47 (5): 961 - 7.
• Hartley C.A., Phelps E.A. (2012). "Anxiety and decision-making". Biological Psychiatry. 72 (2): 113 - 8.