FOBU or fear of breaking up with a partner: 8 keys to understanding it

Some people live next to their partner just because they do not want to alter their lives.

Love relationships can go through good times, but also bad times. On many occasions, the conflicts that arise can be solved with efficient communication or by going to couple therapy, which brings many benefits as you can read in our article "How to know when to go to couple therapy? 5 compelling reasons".

But there are courtships or marriages live immersed in a toxic relationship, which can cause psychological problems to its members. In cases such as these, and in which we are aware that it is better that each member of the couple follow their own path separately, can appear the FOBU (fear of breaking up) or fear to break up with the couple..

How does the fear of breaking up with a partner manifest itself?

Leaving a relationship is not easy, as memories can flood our mind over and over again and obsession can condition us for a certain period of time. As we explained in our article "The chemistry of love: a very potent drug", leaving a relationship is a grieving process, in which we leave behind a loved one and that, moreover, is not a linear process, but there are ups and downs.

The fear of breaking up with a partner can manifest itself in different ways, among them:

• You believe that your life has no future but you are unable to say goodbye.
• You believe that your partner is the only person you can be with even though you know he/she does not make you happy.
• There are constant conflicts and frequent fights.
• You think the relationship should end but you are unable to do so.
• You feel a great resentment towards your partner even though you are still with him or her.
• You are an emotionally dependent person.

Why we are afraid of breaking up with our partner

The process of falling out of love is slow, and it is often difficult to take the step of leaving a partner even knowing that the relationship is not on the right track. Low self-esteem can lead an individual to stay in that relationship despite suffering, not being able to take the necessary step to change.

But, why are we afraid of breaking up with our partner? There are different types of fear that make us stay in a couple when in reality it is better to separate.

Fear of uncertainty

One of the most common fears that human beings can experience is the fear of uncertainty, which usually appears when we have to make important decisions or change something in our lives. Not knowing what the future holds can create some anxiety and fear, so many people decide to stay in a relationship instead of doing what they really want, which is to leave their partner.

• To overcome the fear of uncertainty, you can read our article: "Fear of uncertainty: 8 keys to overcome it".

2. Fear of leaving the comfort zone

A fear that is closely related is the fear of leaving one's comfort zonethat is, to leave that mental place where we feel stable and secure. This fits with the phrase "better the devil you know than the good you don't know". Staying in the comfort zone does not allow us to grow as people, and this includes leaving a toxic relationship when necessary.

3. Fear of what others will say about us.

There is often a social imposition or shared belief that in order to be happy we must have a partner and, as a result, get married. However, it is possible to be happy being single. In our article "Is it possible to be single and happy? The 8 benefits of not having a partner" we explain it to you.

There are people who feel great anxiety thinking about what others will think of them when they know they do not have a partner. Something that harms their welfare and can lead them to make wrong decisions.

4. Fear of failure

Another of the most common fears of the human beings is the fear to fail. It is characterized by anticipating defeat or the consequences of defeat.. Feeling that we have failed is a mental trap, because, in reality, failure can be a great opportunity for growth. Fear of failure can cause us to stay in a toxic relationship to avoid feeling like a loser.

5. Fear of suffering

No one likes to suffer, and heartbreak is characterized by great suffering.. However, that suffering allows us to learn and grow, and leaving someone, in addition to the pain, can bring with it excellent opportunities to live a full life in the future. The fear of suffering is experienced by all of us, especially in this complicated situation.

6. Fear of being replaced

Rejection is one of the most difficult situations to live, because it can hurt us and affect our self-esteem.. However, it is something that can happen in life and that we must accept. Just as we will find a new partner, so will our ex-partner.

7. Fear of being wrong

The fear of making a mistake is the fear that arises from regret, that is to say, from regretting having made a decision.. This fear is disabling, so we must accept it as part of life. One cannot regret having done something, but only regret not having done it.

8. Fear of being single

In our article "Anuptophobia: the irrational fear of being single" we talked about this irrational fear that conditions the lives of many people, and that makes them go from couple to couple without allowing them to live a period of self-reflection.. The fear of being single can cause us to be unable to end a relationship that only brings pain. Overcoming the fear of being single is necessary to regain well-being.