How to help a battered woman? 5 practical tips
Some tips on how to help a woman who is a victim of abuse.
Thanks to increased social awareness, more and more battered women are daring to speak out, seek help and get it through an extensive support network of friends, family members and specialists in gender-based violence.
However, there is still much to be done. Learn more at how to help a battered woman is neither simple nor delicate.There is a risk that, despite good intentions, the situation will get even worse. Next we are going to see ways to approach this problematic.
How to help a battered woman?
So far in 2020, there have been 34 femicides in Spain. This figure, unfortunately, will increase, taking into account the forced confinement, causing many battered women to live 24/7 with their abusers. The fact is not at all flattering if we take into account that, throughout their lives, 10% of women are abused by their partners, which translates into 2 million women in Spain. Of all the abused women, barely 30% dare to report it.
Abuse, whether physical or verbal, has a profound impact. Unfortunately, at least initially, the abused woman is often unable to see clearly the situation in which she finds herself, even though she is well aware that she has been abused.even though she is well aware of all the Pain she is suffering. She needs a push, from a family member or close loved one, to make her see the light at the end of the tunnel, to get her away from her abuser and to take appropriate legal action. The process that leads them to recover their self-esteem, their value as what they are, human beings with their rights and desires, is slow, but not impossible.
In abusive relationships there is a whole relationship of domination and submission.. A relationship in which it takes a lot of courage to rebel against the man but also a lot of support to ensure that this rebellion is not the last thing she does in life. Breaking out of this dynamic is not easy and almost always involves risks, especially when physical aggression is involved. In addition, the victim herself may refuse to break the dynamic, for fear of what will happen to her children or because she believes that her partner will really change.
How does abuse arise?
In most cases, abuse does not start with a beating. They begin with controlling behaviors, evolving into violation of privacy and, at a more advanced stage, into physical and psychological abuse, along with isolation from friends and family.
It should not be assumed that the abused woman really saw it coming, but allowed the abuse to continue.. It happens as in the metaphor of the boiled frog: if you put a frog in a hot pot, it will jump out, but if you have put it in warm water and heated the water to boiling, it will remain there.
But despite the damage, once the relationship has evolved to much more, all the mistreatment seems to fade away when the boyfriend or husband, repentant, tells you in a sweet tone that he is sorry. Despite the fact that this in no way compensates for what he has done, the woman, physically and mentally kidnapped, forgives her tormentor, blaming herself for the fact that he treated her badly.
How to identify an abused woman?
Although abuse is not something that should be taken lightly, and much less blame any man for domestic violence, there are a number of indicators that can alert us that a sister, friend or acquaintance is being abused. there are a number of indicators that can alert us to the fact that a sister, friend or acquaintance needs help..
First, there is a change in her personality. If she does not express her needs, always gives in to what her partner tells her, is very submissive in his presence or we have noticed that since she has been dating him there is something different about her, as if she has shut down, we have reason to be suspicious. A very striking warning is when they say that in order to do anything, especially with their girlfriends, they need to ask their partner if it's okay with him. This is an indicator that their decision making is determined by the dominance of their boyfriend or husband.
Clothing also tells us if something is wrong.. If before she went out with her new partner our friend or acquaintance was very careful with how she was dressed, going elegant and very lively, but now she seems to be more covered up and less flashy, it may mean that her partner does not like the way she used to dress. Perhaps she has made a comment to you along the lines of "You will not go dressed like that in the street", "If you love me, you will not go like that to provoke other men", etc.
Finally, if it is not possible to meet her much, it may indicate that your partner is not letting you go out. If, on top of that, she does not see the family either and we know that she was very close to her, there are enough reasons to address the issue. In addition, the few times we have had the opportunity to see her, we have noticed her very dull, sad, with anxious symptoms.
If we see a bruise, although it does not necessarily mean that her partner is mistreating her, it is a warning sign. This is especially true if you say phrases like "I'm very absent-minded, I fell down" or "I hit the door". It could happen, of course, but the sense of guilt is also a sign that she has been mistreated, blaming herself for how she has been treated.She blames herself for how her husband has treated her.
Intervention with the victim of abuse
Women who are abused need to understand, first of all, why they have not been able to escape from the abuse, why they could not have escaped the abuse on their own or prevented it.. There are many myths about abuse, the most painful and unfair of which is that women who are abused have actually tolerated it. This is not true, since no one in their right mind would want to live through hell every day.
These people often need a professional need a professional to help them understand how this phenomenon of forgiving the unforgivable happens to those they believe to love them. They need someone to let them understand why every now and then they fall into that honeymoon after the storm. They need to be listened to, without prejudice on the part of the professional.
The emotional expression of the woman victim of mistreatment is as important as the emotional management and reception on the part of the professionalShe will help her to understand herself, working to eliminate the feeling of guilt and understand that she is the victim, and never deserved such treatment.
Self-esteem is a very important aspect during therapy with victims of domestic violence, in addition to making her rethink her life, make plans for the future. To feel fully capable and autonomous without her tormentor. This process is not easy, of course, since it will require several factors to be taken into account, such as the severity of the case, the duration of the abuse, the personal skills of the victim, the family and social support network, among many others.
Y in relation to the family and social support network, friends and relatives are a fundamental aspect, almost as important as psychotherapy.almost as important as psychotherapy, for the battered woman to move forward. Often, it is these relationships who notice that something is not going well, and decide to act. The problem, as we have already said, is that one must be especially careful, since the abused woman may be in serious danger.
The first thing to let her know is that she has us on her side.. We should tell her that we are there for her, and that if she has any problems, she should call us. She may not recognize the situation, but she will know from the beginning that she has someone to support her and to talk to if she wants to. We have taken a step to give her a chance to get out of her situation. As a result of this, if there is an opportunity to meet with her alone, we will be giving her the opportunity to talk, in detail, about what is happening to her.
It is very important, if you see that she starts to isolate herself, saying more and more that she is busy or that she can't do it, to insist to meet, or to continue to do it, insist on meeting her, or keep calling her.. In many occasions we will have to tell her things that she will not like to hear, always in private and without her partner being around. This is difficult, but we will have some opportunity to meet alone and explain to her how we can help her to live happily. The clearest sign that there may be abuse is when she tells us that she is afraid to leave her partner, because of what may happen.
It must be emphasized in the whole process that as family and friends, we are not experts. We must try to take her to a women's association, contact professionals in the field who will recommend the steps to follow for the specific case, in addition to applying the necessary protocols to prevent the situation from worsening. These experts in gender violence are the ones who know how to prevent a case of mistreatment from becoming another number that feeds the so terrible figure of femicides.
Bibliographical references:
- Ruiz-Pérez, I. (n. d.). Programa de Formación de Formadores/as en Perspectiva de Género en Salud. Spain. https://www.mscbs.gob.es/ Extracted from https://www.mscbs.gob.es/organizacion/sns/planCalidadSNS/pdf/equidad/04modulo_03.pdf.
(Updated at Apr 15 / 2024)