The psychological implications of attachment in family relationships
This is how the different kinds of attachment influence us in family coexistence.
The family is the strongest pillar of human relationships. It is the first social contact we meet and, from which we begin to bond with others. But are all family relationships the same? How are our bonds with our primary caregivers?
This is what I want to talk about today. Why? Because depending on what these are, how we manage them and how we learn to relate to them, will influence how we grow, the adults we become and how we manage the adversities that may come our way.
To this end, I want us to answer several questions.
What is attachment?
Attachment is the emotional bond that we create from birth with our primary caregivers and reference persons..
However, attachment is not always expressed in the same way in family relationships. Let's see what forms it can take.
What types of attachment exist?
There are four types of attachment, which are as follows.
Disorganized attachment
It is characteristic in families in which there has not been a good family structure, in which bad family relationships were common.It is characteristic of families in which physical and psychological abuse was common, and in situations in which contempt or insults were a daily occurrence.
2. Distancing or avoidant attachment
It is common in people who feel that all their needs or care were covered, except emotionally, and that there was neglect.. In this case we find families in which there is some structure, but not in all areas, and above all there is neglect at the psychological level.
3. Preoccupied, anxious or ambivalent attachment
We encounter families in which there is no intimacy. It is common that in this type of families it is forbidden to close the door, or if we close it, at any time a person enters to see if everything is all right and in order. In addition, it is common the use of emotional blackmail with phrases like "if you do not do what I ask is that you do not love me".
4. Secure attachment
In this type of family, there is a good family structure, in which good harmony, care, coherence and autonomy are given in an adequate way..
Possible patterns of behavior in case of inadequate attachment
The best type of attachment is secure attachmentThe best type of attachment is secure attachment, due to the existence of a good balance in all areas. This can be worked on.
But what happens when we have another type of attachment? Or when we live in situations where we feel in danger or that we cannot?
Clinging to danger
This is something natural, it happens for example in animals like the remora fish, which sticks to its predator in order to feel that it is safe. Sometimes the same thing happens to human beings, it is easier to stay next to something that we know is bad for us than to try to find a change.
When in reality, if we take the step to take control of our life, everything gets better. It is common that when we feel this way, we depend on others to be well, or we present a preoccupied attachment to the people we love.
Building a protective wall
To give an example, as in the previous case, we have spores or turtles. They have a shell with which they protect themselves from the outside. These people are usually strong, they isolate themselves, so that no one can harm them. Many times caused by living in environments that have taught us that this is the only way to make things better.
Many times when we find ourselves like this, we are able that our environment does not realize it, other times we react "attacking" or "hurting" the people we love the most and we find it very difficult to talk about our emotions.
Do you feel identified with these situations?
Sometimes, it is not necessary that we find ourselves with an insecure attachment, although it does affect. The circumstances of our life and the challenges it presents us with cause us to block ourselves or try to escape. Many times our past experiences keep us from moving forward, or we treat our family in a way we don't like.
If this happens to you, you are not alone; it is always a good time to learn to take care of ourselves and love ourselves, we can form a great team. To get in touch with our team of psychologists, access this page.
(Updated at Apr 13 / 2024)