Paranoid thoughts in relationships: why do they appear?
Some people reach a point where they tend to distrust others as a rule.
In today's increasingly competitive and individualistic society, it is easy to be suspicious of others, and it is not uncommon for some people to seek to gain different types of advantage over us or to disregard us as they value other types of needs more highly. And this can lead to fear and distrust.
However, while some people do this, it does not mean that everyone does it. Many people have come to generalize this type of thoughts, generating dynamics and behaviors that can have serious consequences for them and their relationships. These are paranoid thoughts with serious effects on personal relationships.This is something that will be discussed throughout this article.
What do we mean by paranoid thoughts?
We understand by paranoid thoughts the set of thoughts that possess characteristics of paranoia. The latter, if considered from the perspective of psychopathology, is characterized by the presence of delusions and pathological interpretations of reality in the form of self-referential and persecutory delusions, suspecting that what is happening around them revolves around them and that others intend either to take advantage of them or to cause some kind of harm. Usually the subject with paranoia is extremely rigid in his thoughts, and it is difficult to make him change his beliefs.and present a high attitude of distrust towards others. It is not uncommon for strange behaviors and behaviors to be manifested as an element of protection.
While it should be noted that paranoid thinking does not necessarily equate to paranoia as a disorder, it is true that paranoid thinking shares many of these characteristics. It generally involves the existence of a high level of insecurity and mistrust of others and their interaction with the and their interaction with the subject in question. They tend to use deductive thinking to analyze the interaction with others, starting from a general premise and extending the conclusions drawn from it to each particular case.
Paranoid thinking usually generates a reaction of resentment and diminishment and avoidance of intimacy with the person to whom it refers, even though the person may have done nothing to deserve it. It also tends to generate a deep suffering in the person who has it, as well as to lead him/her to perform behaviors that cause discomfort to the person who generates such behavior. In fact, sometimes there is an effect of self-fulfilling prophecyThe person of whom he/she is suspicious ends up doing what was attributed to him/her due to the treatment that the person with the paranoid thought has given him/her.
It is typical of insecure people, in many cases with previous traumatic experiences that have made them think of the world and others as hostile elements or competitors who try to take away our livelihood or our dreams, or who have a great fear of being abandoned because of such experiences.
Paranoid thoughts in couple relationships.
Although paranoid thoughts can appear in any context, one of the areas of life where they most often occur and where they can cause the greatest affectation is with a partner, where they can cause unjustified fears and jealousy. unjustified fears and jealousy can appear, and even and even a disorder such as Othello syndrome can develop.
In this sense, one of the most common and repeated is the fear or the conviction that our partner is being unfaithful. Although it is not something impossible and it is a fear that appears sporadically in many people, the truth is that the sustained maintenance of such suspicions without any well-founded causes can generate a deep schism in the relationship, even to the point of breaking it.
In some extreme cases, it is possible to establish certain control or surveillance over the partner: what they do, who they talk to, who they chat with, when they are connected, how often they go out and how much they dress up for it, what they smell like, their hygiene habits... some people even violate their partner's privacy by looking at their mail or cell phone. Reproaches, accusations, suspicions and hypercontrol These same reactions of mistrust may in fact provoke the partner to commit infidelity or to leave the relationship.
In addition to infidelity and abandonment, there can also be self-referential ideas, in which everything the other says is considered an attack or even in which it is considered that the relationship exists for mere interest or comfort on the part of the couple and not for a true feeling of union. This can generate a series of dynamics that lead to a conflictive and destructive relationship.
Paranoia in social relationships: friends and family
Our social relationships are not limited to the couple, but we are continuously relating to a large number of people and some of them become part of our circle of friends. But paranoid thoughts can also sometimes be observed in these relationships. For example, different acts or words can be interpreted as a sign of dislike towards the person, or some comments can be interpreted as accusations or accusations against the person.For example, some comments may be interpreted as accusations or reproaches without this being the intention of the person making them.
This type of thoughts can generate withdrawal or hostility, uncertainty and a cooling or even rupture of the relationship with others, both on the part of the subject who has the thought and on the part of others towards him/her.
Paranoid thinking in the work environment
Another area in which paranoid thoughts and behaviors can appear is at work. The labor market is an already competitive already competitive terrain (which in fact facilitates paranoid ideation) (which in fact facilitates paranoid ideation), in which, depending on the field, it is often not so unusual to think badly of the intentions of others. It is relatively easy to wonder if behind some behaviors there is not a search to find information to lower the position of the other and/or to be above or improve the chances of getting a promotion or a permanent position.
Thus, paranoid thoughts can cause us to be constantly suspicious of the motivations for others to interact in certain ways or lead to a cooling of interpersonal relationships, which can generate labor conflicts, declines in productivity and a bad company climate.
How to avoid them?
It is possible that we ourselves or a loved one manifests some type of paranoid thinking at some time or in some context. Therefore, when faced with the discomfort that such thoughts generate, it is worth asking ourselves what can we do in our daily life to avoid or combat them?. That is why we will now review a series of tips.
How are you doing?
It is frequent that paranoid thoughts appear to a greater extent in situations of high tension or stress or in periods in which we have an altered state of mind. It would be useful to evaluate what emotional state we are in when this distrust towards the other appears, as well as to take into account how this emotional state can affect us.
Practice Mindfulness
Many of the fears that give rise to paranoid thinking are due to the anticipation of negative consequences. The practice of meditation or Mindfulness can be helpful in the sense that it aims to focus awareness on the present moment and assess how we feel. It also helps to observe our thoughts from the outside, witnessing them and allowing us to feel them.
Value the evidence
"I think my partner is cheating on me." "My boss wants to fire me." "My friend doesn't care about me." These are all thoughts that depending on the context can come across as paranoid. It is not that they are not possible, but it is worth asking ourselves on what basis we think them. It is necessary to assess what makes us think that way, evaluate its significance and whether it has possible alternative interpretationsbefore passing judgment.
Communicate
The basis of human relationships is communication. When we are talking about close people such as partners, family or friends, it would be appropriate to comment and communicate both the good and the bad, so that elements that may later lead to misunderstandings do not become entrenched. It is not a matter of expressing distrust or of constantly asking if we have been if they have been unfaithful, for example, but to make the shared bond allow to express the existence of fears, doubts and thoughts.
Relaxation
The use of relaxation techniques can serve to relieve stress and reduce worries. In this sense, relaxation techniques focused on breathing and Muscle contraction can be of great help, such as diaphragmatic breathing or Jacobson's progressive muscle relaxation.
(Updated at Apr 13 / 2024)