5 common mistakes in anger management

Myths about how anger should be managed can cause many problems and pain.

Managing emotions is one of the difficulties most often faced in today's society. In addition to anxiety or sadness, anger is one of the instinctive and universal emotions that most interferes with personal well-being.

Let's see how to dismantle a series of beliefs about anger management can allow the individual a more effective confrontation before situations that can derive in reactions of this nature.

Harmful consequences of anger

The expression of anger in an uncontrolled way can cause us significant damages in different areas of our personal lives.

1. Deterioration of the interpersonal relations

It seems to be that we show more instinctive reactions of anger with the people in our closest environment (family, friends and co-workers), that is to say, that the most significant personal relationships tend to be the most damaged..

2. Aggravation of the conflict

Usually, when trying to dialogue with another person when the level of anger is intense, the exchanges are not constructive because at that moment the emotional part of the conflict is the most important part of the conflict. at that moment it is the emotional part of the brain which is dominating the the individual's response (to the detriment of the more rational brain).

3. Facilitation of a violent functioning of the person.

Anger responses are often associated with the expression of violent behavior and aggression (verbal or physical) towards others. Thus, when anger dominates the psychological state of the subject the instinctive desire to hit, shout, threaten, break objects, etc., is greater.breaking objects, etc.

4. Predisposition and greater proportion in the appearance of diseases.

From the investigations in the area of health psychology, the personality denominated Type A (hostile, irritable and with high levels of stress) is associated to a high propensity to suffer Cardiovascular accidents..

5. Personal emotional instability

A marked difficulty in anger management can lead to dysfunctional psychological states such as depression, anxiety disorders or feelings of insecurity, guilt, low self-esteem, low tolerance to frustration, etc., maintained over time.

Myths about anger management

These are some erroneous beliefs about anger management:

1. Anger decreases if it is manifested openly.

It is true that anger must be channeled in some way because, otherwise, its unlimited accumulation and maintained over time can lead the person to the appearance of the consequences described in the previous section.

However, this channeling must not be through its active expressionIt has already been observed that a functioning based on this emotion leads to an internalized attitude of responding in this way to any situation, regardless of whether it is irrelevant or very important for the individual.

2. Fleeing or avoiding the problematic situation lowers the level of anger.

Being a strategy usually known as "time-out", it is sometimes recommended that the person does not expose him/herself to situations that can trigger this type of reaction.

It is true that, as discussed above, attempting to have an assertive conversation to facilitate conflict resolution when very upset is often not effective or helpful. Therefore, at first, the person can postpone coping with the situation for a limited of the situation for a limited time, provided that once the process of reflection (allowing for a more rational, empathetic and understanding analysis) has been carried out, he/she returns to resolve the pending issue in a calm and assertive manner.

3. Anger makes it possible to achieve the desired objective

This idea is, besides being false, very dangerous since it transmits the message to the people around (even more so in the case of minors) that this is the methodology that should be followed as a way to obtain what one proposes: imposition, the generation of fear of the other, non-dialogue, and in short, contempt for the dissenting party.

All these values do not report at all an emotional well-being of their own. On the other hand, it is false because usually, taking into account the different styles of communicational and behavioral functioning (aggressive, passive and assertive styles), the person who uses anger (aggressive profile) may encounter an oppositional response to his behavior (if another person is in front of him). (if he/she is faced with another aggressive person - dysfunctional opposition - or assertive - functional opposition).

4. The analysis of past personal history combats anger.

Studying the individual psychological development of the person can be helpful in understanding the factors that have led to the current functioning and attitudinal style of the individual in question.

Even so, from the point of view of one of the most empirically supported psychological currents, the cognitive-behavioral current, it is the elements of the present (personal, environmental and their interaction) that mainly determine the behavior of the human being.

The so-called "functional analysis" of the individual and of his or her responses to certain situations will be much more useful to know which aspects are precipitating, maintaining or aggravating the angry behavior. The latter are the ones that can be influenced to achieve a real modification of behavior.

5. External events are the only causes of individual anger.

In view of the previous point, the external elements that appear in the situations in which the person manifests angry reactions should be taken into account, just as the internal or personal factors should be considered. The Rational Emotive Behavioral Therapy of Albert Ellis, defends the deep analysis and questioning of a series of core beliefs that the person has about himself, the environment and the world in general (irrational beliefs) that are preventing the application of a more logical, rational and realistic interpretation of the situations to which the individual is exposed.

Therefore, a fundamental element in the level of emotional affectation produced by everything that happens to the person on a daily basis is given by the cognitive interpretation of the situation, and not of the situation itself.

In short, it is understood that in the face of unpleasant events, the person can work and modify his or her own perspective on these events, the result of which will have an impact on the appearance of a more adaptive state of mind.

Learning to manage emotions

As has been observed, it seems that proper anger management is essential to prevent a series of consequences that can compromise both our physical and psychological health.

Based on the argumentation about the erroneousness of the five premises presented on the management of anger maintained over time, we can arrive at a more extensive knowledge of what may be the alternative forms of more adaptive management of this type of emotion, which is so incapacitating.