What is affection and why does it mark us throughout life?
The relationships we create with the people we care about leave an emotional imprint on us.
Affection is a psychological phenomenon that, in one way or another, we sense is important to our lives. It always comes up in conversation when we talk about personal relationships, or when we reflect on love.
However, what exactly is affection? Being a concept that we use intuitively, without stopping to think much about its meaning, we sometimes make mistakes and consider it an element that is simply there when we relate to someone. But the truth is that it is something that does not appear and disappear spontaneously as we socialize with different people; it is always there, and its effects leave an imprint on us. Let's take a look at it.
What is affection?
"All you need is love"; as this well-known song by the Beattles reminds us, love is something that moves us and gives us strength to discover and see the world. But although when we talk about love we usually think of romantic love or love for a partner, there are also many others. A mother who cradles her child, a friend who is by your side in bad times, a partner who makes you feel more alive than ever. All of them are united by deep emotional ties.
Although we all know what it is and have experienced it on occasion, it is not as easy as it seems to give a definition of affection that is general and takes into account the various situations or circumstances in which it can appear. However, at a general level, affection can be considered as that which disposition that a person or animal has towards another being or situation..
Affection is often identified with emotion, but although related, the truth is that there is a difference: affection is directed towards another person, being or thing and its levels can oscillate but are usually more permanent, while emotions are experienced by oneself and are temporary. Generally, affection is identified and associated with feelings of love and affection towards someone, a feeling of attachment towards another.
It is therefore an element of a relational nature, an interaction between several people or beings.It is an interaction between several people or beings (let us not forget that we can also feel affection for pets or animals, and they also feel affection for us and for each other). So it is not something that depends only on oneself, but it is linked to the relationship we have with the person or being in question.
Characteristics of affective bonds.
Affection is an essential element for the human being, being its absence linked to various psychopathologies such as depression, sociopathy or even being a factor of great importance in the emergence of personality disorders.. It also predisposes to medical illnesses or to their worsening, as well as to a lower survival rate, as in cases of Cancer or heart disease.
Affect is fluid and variable, as it can change depending on the interaction. It is expressed in many different ways, generally by investing energy to make the other person feel good (whether visibly or imperceptibly to others). Such displays of affection can in turn receive different types of response from the other person.
The fact is that on many occasions the affection is not reciprocated or is not given at the same level (we may feel affection for someone but not romantic love, for example), or it may even be unpleasant and undesired by the other subject.
Although in this article we focus on affection as it is popularly understood (the aforementioned feeling of attachment to another), the truth is that we can also speak of positive and negative affectivity, depending on the general emotional tone we have.
Affection as a need throughout the life cycle
The capacity to feel, give and receive affection is to a great extent biologicalmediated by different neurotransmitters such as oxytocin. However, it is to a large extent our life experiences that determine whether we feel affection for someone, for whom and how to express it.
It arises during the first stages of our life, especially when we begin to receive gratifications in the form of attention and the first people towards whom we feel it are usually in most cases our parents or regular caregivers, being some of the first beings that we are able to recognize as our brain develops and allows us to recognize others as elements other than ourselves. And not only after childbirth, but also the relationship with the mother during fetal development and during pregnancy.
Feeling and receiving affection is fundamental fundamental for our correct emotional and cognitive development as human beings. as human beings. As the gregarious beings that we are and that form part of a society, we need to feel part of the group, to feel united to other people.
1. Early years and infancy
And this need is visible from birth: the baby needs a safe environment and the existence of a response to its needs. The physical contact and affection that we receive in infancy will largely determine our attitude towards life: a baby who has been loved will be able to face the world with self-confidence (since its expressions and needs have been met), while one that has been neglected will tend to see the world as something that does not respond to its needs, that ignores it and that it distrusts.
Receiving affection will influence the way we see ourselves and the world, while making us feel safe, reassured, secure and able to see things with joy, enthusiasm and curiosity. The mix of a baby's temperament and his interaction with his caregivers will largely determine the type of attachment he displays with them and with the rest of the world.
As we grow older, our affective needs expand, we begin to relate to other people and beings beyond our caregivers.. We begin to make our first friendships and bonds with other peers. In the family, the expression of affection and support continues to be fundamental, being a stage in which the child absorbs not only the affection he/she receives but also the most appropriate values and ways of acting.
As for the affection itself, it is important to receive it but also to be able to give it, being important the reactions of others to such expressions of affection. That in these infantile relations we can give and receive affection will also mark us to a great extent. And we must bear in mind that affection is not only given to living beings: toys and objects that are important to us also awaken it.
In general, people who have received affection during their childhood tend to be more empatheticwhile those who do not tend to be more rigid, distant and more prone to anxious and depressive disorders.
2. Adolescence and adulthood
But not only in childhood: adolescence is a stage in which we need a lot of affection, in which we learn to relate to each other. we learn to relate to each other and we experience different changes that make us more interested in others.
Our interest moves away from the family and focuses on the peer group (in which we will invest a lot of effort), discovering ourselves and trying to form our own identity. The experiences we live and have lived through, as well as the affection received along the way, will be important when it comes to achieving an integrated identity and self-esteem. Another type of affection also begins to appear, the romantic one, and the first love experiences arise.
Once we reach adulthood, the need for affection continues and will continue to exist throughout our lives. Although there are individuals who do not enjoy companionship, in general we all want to share our lives with other people. Relationships become more complex and we are much more aware of what we feel, what we do and what we provoke. Romantic relationships become more important, although in a more serene way than in adolescence. Family, friends, partner, children... all of them are more or less important to us and will arouse different degrees of affection.
3. Old age
Although it is an aspect little cared by the present society, the old age is a difficult stage in which little by little we are losing physical and mental faculties. In addition, many of the people for whom we have felt affection have already died or are in the final stretch of their lives, and the fear of losing them appears. It is easier to lose autonomy and feel more fragile..
It is a vital moment in which affection is very necessary, but in many cases it is not given sufficiently, which makes it easier to fall ill and disorders such as depression appear. A large number of elderly people feel lonely.
(Updated at Apr 13 / 2024)